Never
by TheUptownGirl
Summary: Sydney is damaged...and he's the only one that can fix her. But there are always complications. Vaughn is caught in the crossfire between the woman who he loves and the women he would give his life for. But things are just about to get complicated.
1. Never

**Author's Note:** This is just a little drabble piece I wrote.  It's set Pre-Phase One.  It's a little darker than what I think I normally write but it's just a little nothing piece….Tell me what you think-love it or hate it!

She smiled and hated every minute of it.  The tight pull of her corset was choking the very breath out of her.  But the black and deep purple fabric made her who she was.  Her name was Portia, no last name required for a mission like this.  She was sent to find a man, seduce him, have him lure her to his hotel room, and then she would steal a disc he kept in his briefcase.  An easy mission for an experienced agent.  She walked down the stairs, batting her heavy mascara eyelashes, her hips swaying gently to the music.  Her skirt was pulled tight, short, and elicited rude comments from the men of the club.   She felt their hands reaching out to paw her tiny frame.   This was some sort of cosmic joke.     

            She continued her way into the club, waving to the men as she past.  Lord, she hated them.  But any thought of them disappeared as she walked through the crowds of people.  She could disappear for just a little bit.  Her hips swayed more to music and she let it take over her heartbeat.  She tossed the long black wig over her shoulder and stopped in her spot.  There he was. 

            "Are you ready for anything?" She marched up to him and ran her hands over his back.  He immediately turned around and faced her.  The result astounded her.  This man was an eerie resemblance of the man she had left behind in LA.  Her heart screamed that it wasn't him.

            "Always am." His Irish brogue replied, turning away from his peers.  

***

            He always hated these nights.  These were those long sleepless nights in which he could only toss and turn and attempt not to sleep the sleeping woman beside him.  He always hated these nights.  The darkness seemed to have crept into his world, blocking out the sun entirely.  But now it was 2:00 in the morning and he was supposed to be up at 5:00.  He had gotten in the habit of running before work, especially when she was gone.  But somewhere along his sleeplessness, he was pulled into a restless sleep.  Better than nothing.  He was warm and actually comfortable, even if his mind was racing.  The blankets were curled around him and it was nothing less than warm.  However, there was a buzzing noise going off in his ear.  One eye opened and then the other.  

            "Your phone." The woman next to him murmured as she slowly turned around.  "Make it stop or I'm throwing you and it out of here."  Her blonde hair was matted against her face and gone astray.  Her voice was hoarse from lack of sleep.

            He rolled over and took his phone in his hand, "PRIVATE."  A new onset of panic rushed through him, "It's work." He whispered softly as he untangled her from his arms and started to move towards the edge of her bed.  He turned his phone on quickly and pressed it to his ear, "Vaughn." He tried to shake the exhaustion from his tone but knew he was failing miserably.

            "I need to see you." Her emotion-racked voice shook as she tried to get her words out.

            He straightened up when he heard how horrible she sounded, "Where?"

            "The warehouse.  Meet me at the warehouse." 

            His eyes were suddenly open and he was suddenly aware of everything around him.  He heard the rain tattering against the ground, the air conditioning clicking off, the ceiling fan twirling about, how the gray sheets felt against his body, how sticky he was the cold sweat he was sleeping in, and how good Alice's arms felt around his chest and how he hated the feeling when they were absent.  "Okay.  I'll meet you there in half an hour?"

            There was no response from Sydney on the other end. _She must have shut her phone off_, he decided suddenly.  He sighed heavily and turned his phone off, bringing down to his lap.  He starred at in intently in the darkness for a moment.  He had to get out of there and get to Sydney before something happened.  He kept his train of thought moving and tried to figure out what could have happened to shake her that badly.  She had to have been really shaken to call him.  She never risked their safety just to see him and talk.  She knew better.  It could mean life or death for them.  "Baby." He cooed as he leaned back over to the sleeping woman beside him.   

            "What?" She managed to snap, her eyes were still shut and she was dead to the world, essentially.  

            "I have to go in now.  I'm sorry, baby."  His tone was soft and smooth as he kissed her temple and began to move towards his closet.

            "Screw it." The blonde-haired woman replied before drifting back to her easy sleep.  She didn't care about his job at 2:00 in the morning and in all honesty, he didn't really care about his job at 2:00 in the morning.  But he did care about Sydney and that was why he was dragging his sore little butt out of bed towards the warehouse.  

            He leaned over and kissed her forehead.  "I can't and you know it." He got out of bed, feeling cold air hit him like a brick wall.  His toes padded across the hard wood floor and his sore body rose until he was standing straight.  

            "Is everything okay?" She asked groggily.  Her blue eyes stared at him and she felt concern growing in her chest.  

            He just shook his head remorsefully and continued to find his sweatpants.  

            "What time is it?" She pushed her body up and tried to get up with him but was quickly met by his hands pushed her back down to the mattress and his lips meeting hers.  

            "It's almost 2:00 but go back to sleep.  You're going to have a long day ahead of you." He moved away from her and started to get ready.  He continued to dress in the dark and all he could think of why she would be calling him so late.  Sydney had returned from a mission in Ireland early that morning and their debrief wouldn't have been until after the workday that day.  But now it was 2:00am and she sounded frantic and destroyed.

            Now, anyone looking in from the outside might think that this was a little strange, at best.  Vaughn, a man of thirty something, ripped and beautiful, climbing out of his warm bed with his beautiful girlfriend, Alice Williams, to meet a woman he wasn't suppose to know at all.  But then again, that's why no one ever looked in.  He truly did love Alice with most of his heart.  She was everything that he had ever hoped for in his life.  She was beautiful, smart, funny, and easy to be with.  He loved the taste of her lips beneath his and the way his arms melted around her, five foot six frame.  They had been together for a while, going on and off again for a period of time or two but he loved her.  Really, he did.  He knew that there were always jokes, especially with Weiss, about them being together. 

            But he really did love her and he loved being with her.  He always felt for those guys that would pour their hearts out whenever they sat down for a drink at the local bar and always swore he would never be one of them.  She made something stir within him and he just had this instinct about her that she would change his life.  And she most certainly did.  He felt like he was a better man whenever he was with her and he loved to listen to her talk.  He wanted to be the one to dry her tears when she cried and to share the laughter when she laughed.  But when he came home to Alice, he wanted to dry her tears and share the laughter when she laughed.  He had never felt so conflicted in his life.   

            He found a pair of jeans, deciding against his worn sweatpants and found a camel colored tee shirt, throwing a suede coat over it.  He cautiously walked over to the doorway and silently slipped out off the bedroom but not before, he grabbed his cell phone.  He shivered slightly as he shut bedroom door and began to walk around the house, finding his keys and briefcase.  He started to move towards the door but was promptly stopped when he realized he was unarmed.  If he learned one thing in his life, he realized he always had to be armed.  

            So finally, he was able to sneak out of the house into the flower-scented air.  Something about waking up before the sun rose made the air smell sweeter or maybe it was just Vaughn willing to find something positive.  He sighed heavily as he got into his car and melted into the gray leather interior.  Without much thought, he turned his car on and drove away.

            He couldn't think of what could have possibly gone wrong.   Maybe the disc wasn't there.  Maybe She couldn't download the set of launch codes for some weapon (it was undisclosed to her but Jack knew what was going on).  All she needed to do was send the CIA the correct codes and send SD-6 modified codes.  Simple, right?  He shook his head as he tried to find out what exactly could have gone wrong.  Okay, maybe it wasn't part of the mission.  The last time she called him like this was when her father stood her up for dinner and the stress had taken over her in such a way that she started to implode.  That's when she threw her pager in the Pacific like a crazy woman.  Vaughn started to laugh as he remembered the hunk of plastic, metal, and wires soaring through the air and into the chilly salt waters

            He turned off the freeway and down on the side roads towards the warehouse, checking his mirrors all the way.  The last thing he needed right now was to be followed.  Now his heart began to pound loudly in anticipation.  This was the part where he forgot about Alice and every other attachment that revolved around him in the outside world.  His only priority was the well-being of his job. He reached the warehouse and sighed heavily.  He wasn't sure what he was coming up against.  He parked his car on his designated side and got out quickly.  His hands quickly patted the gun secured beneath his jacket as he lightly jogged towards the water edge of the warehouse.  The air was cooler and a strong chill ran through his bone. 

            He quickly began to search for her, standing near the gate where they always met.  He was becoming overpowered by the deep must and dust that swirled around in the air.  The lighting was dim from the barely there harsh lighting.  As his feet, covered by a pair of comfortable running shoes, treated along the concrete.  He looked for anything abnormal.  There was nothing. And it was then that he saw her.

            She was sitting, hunched over on a crate, in the same corset and black skirt.  She hadn't even changed.  She had thrown on a black blazer to hide the horrible outfit.   Her hair was neatly pulled back but her shoulders were rounded.  He felt his heart jump into his throat as he watched her turn around to face him, her face streaked with tears.  

            "Hey." His voice came out slow and soft.

            She sat there immobile.  She was always so good about keeping her emotions in tact and all she could do now was break.  The mission had been more taxing than anyone could have imagined and she wanted to tell Vaughn everything that happened and everything that will happen but all she could was stand there.  Her hands were open at her side and her brow was knitted tightly in distress.  She drew in a sharp breath and tried to stop the tears from rolling down her face.  The mascara had formed little rivers beneath her eyes.  Her lips were chapped and her body was sore.  A nice purple bruise had formed beneath her left eye and she brandished a cut on her lower lip.  All she wanted in the world was to feel his body holding hers tightly.  After all that she had seen, she just needed to be loved and told that she was loved.

            "Sydney." His brow knitted in emotion and it took him all of his strength not to rush towards her and take her in his arms.  But he walked towards her and knelt at her feet.  He watched her brown eyes, not flickering with emotion, "What happened?"

            She opened her mouth to talk but found a sob escaping her mouth instead.    "Vaughn…Vaughn….."  Her tears started to pour again.  She leaned forward and clutched her chest tightly.  This was the worst she had ever been, she had never been this broken before.  

            "Sydney?  Sydney, what did they do to you?  What happened?"  Going against the better angels in his head, he stood up and held her close to him.   Her breath immediately hitched in her chest and she winced as she felt pressure on the sores across her back.  It was enough to drive a sane person insane.  It was the combination of his warming touch and the large result on her back that caused her to cry out in terror.  He couldn't touch her.  She was about to break.  She pulled back quickly and met the confused look in his eye with one of terror and pain.

            She tried to stifle her sob once again but failed.  She stood up and took a step back, feeling too much pain racing through her at the feeling of his touch.  It was just another reminder on how he could never be with her and even though she loved the chills running down her spine, she stopped.  Her eyes looked up at him and she just let her mouth hang open, unable to find the words to admit her terrible ordeal.  Slowly she turned around and removed her jacket, letting fall in a heap at her feet and revealed slash wounds across her shoulders.  

            Vaughn let out a gasp but couldn't say anything.  He knew that she got hurt but he had never seen anything like this on her before.  He hated that he was so helpless in her pain.  "Oh Syd."  His brow was wrinkled in worry as his back started to tense up in sympathy pains.  He looked away, unable to take the sympathy pains he was enduring.

             She let her arms drop for a moment and raised her chin slightly before placing the black blazer over her shoulders again.  She turned back around to face him with a heavy heart.  She sat back down and hid her face in her hands.  Her breath caught in her chest and hurt so badly there.  "I've never-they were going to kill me.  I just-" She trailed off as the tears overturned again.

            Vaughn felt horror sweep over his body and his heart seemed to break almost instantly.  He couldn't find a coherent thought and felt his chest tighten up.  He ran his hand over his face and raked his fingers through his hair before collapsing down and ducking his head, his hands clasped over the back of his neck.  Chills raised up his spine.  He felt his heart had been ripped out and stomped out.  This was the worst pain in the world.  He desperately wanted too run from the room and hide form the horrible turmoil that had now engulfed him.  Someone wanted to kill Sydney.  _His _Sydney.  

            She sobbed so heavily that her words were almost lost on Vaughn.  Out of complete desperation, she stood up and started to walk towards him.  He stepped towards her and felt her collapse into his chest.  Together, they slid down the ground.  She was curled up, resting against his chest with him holding her wrists softly.  They stayed there for a long while, just listening to the other's heartbeat.  It was totally against protocol.   But protocol didn't explain how to soothe the tattered soul of an agent or how to make the evil nightmares of the world go away.  There were loopholes.  

            "Sydney, please.  You're scaring me.  What did they do to you?"  He rested his head on top of hers, hoping to coax her and comfort her.  His arms wrapped around her entire frame and he inhaled deeply the smell of sweat, blood, and disappointment.  

            "Just don't say anything, okay?  I just need you to-just don't say anything, okay?  Please." She pleaded, holding tightly to his tee shirt.  She never wanted to let go.  This was her last brink of sanity, held within her grasp.  

            Finally, the tears stopped and she managed to sit up.  She surveyed the dark stains on his shirt and looked up at him with sympathetic eyes, "You know, you think you've only seen the worse when something even more horrible comes along."

             "Don't say that."

            She sniffled slightly and tried to get everything out as quickly as possible, "Sensory deprivation.  Three days of not sleeping.  Every time I would shut my eyes, I would be shocked awake.  No food.  Little water.  And if they got bored of me, they would just beat me senseless." She replied with most clarity she could in a while.  "But the worst part?  Every time I close my eyes to sleep, I see him standing over me.  I see his smug little smile and-" She groaned slightly and the tears came again.  "I couldn't sleep on the cargo plane on the way home.  SD-6 couldn't even spring for a real plane." She scoffed, curling tighter into Vaughn's chest.  Her tall, slender frame was shaking violently and she didn't even try to control it.  "I don't know what to do.  I can't go home like this.  Francie will have a heart attack and Will's out of town.   I can't eat.  I can't sleep.  Every time I close my eyes-he's there.  I see his face.  I don't know what to do."

            Vaughn thought for a moment and rested his head atop hers again for a moment.  "I have a blanket in my car.  If you want, I'll stay here while you sleep and when you wake up, we'll work out a plan from there, okay?  I think we found our plan.  Can you stay here for a minute?  I'll just run right to my car." He didn't even wait for her to respond.  He slowly untangled his limbs from hers and eased her down to the ground, where she curled up into the fetal position.  His green eyes looked at her sadly before running, at full wind sprint, towards his car. This had to be a quick maneuver or else he would blow their cover.  He flew out the warehouse door, opened his black SUV, and grabbed the emergency box he kept in the back, slammed the door shut and ran back inside.  Keeping the same pace, he ran towards Sydney, who had not moved an inch.  "Sydney?"

            She poked her head up and saw him with the box, "Emergency kit?" She read the long scrawling words on the side of the box that was used to hold some kitchen appliance in his normal home with his normal girlfriend.  She sat up, pulled her knees to one side.  Her head tilted to the side and she tried to smile, wiping away her tears.

            He smiled and sat down next to her.  "Did someone check you out?"  She shook her head no.  "Can I?"

            Her eyebrows rose from shock of the question and he immediately regretted saying it.  Fighting a smile from embarrassment, he amended his statement.  "Check out your injuries."  She nodded slightly and her heavy eyelids began to droop.  Her hands peeled off the jacket and deposited off to the side.  With big brown eyes, she watched him reach into the box and pull out a small brown glass vile with a handful of Q-tips.  He looked up at her and nodded his head in agreement.  Reaching up slightly once more, his hands found the gray old blanket he had thrown in.  It was just a miscellaneous blanket he had found lying in the trunk of his car.  There was no reason why it was there  but it was, so he thought it would be a good idea.  He unfolded it and positioned it in such a way that it was resting near the chain link fence.  He would be able to lean on it a little bit.  He glanced down at her and watched her crawl a few inches towards it.  The color was beginning to return to her face as her eyes began to swell.  "Well, this is going to sting." He held a Q-tip in his hand and as gently as possible, pressed it to the raw pink and purple flesh.  The anti-septic dripped clear onto her skin, which visibly tensed up at the sudden onset of pain.  "I'm sorry." 

            "Just get it over with." She answered through gritted teeth.

            He continued to clean out the gash that ranged from her left shoulder through the middle of her back.  There were other abrasions but none as serious.  "You're lucky you don't need stitches."

            She tried to rid her voice of irritation. "I know."  She knew she was lucky and she should be thankful for that but something in the pit of her stomach wouldn't allow for her to be thankful in any way.  She had a bitter taste in her mouth that burned almost as much as the anti-septic.

             Like a young child, she sat there while he put an anti-septic on every little cut.  She winced softly and tensed up with every touch.  It burned badly and made her hair stand on end.  With the deeper, more serious ones, he wrapped sterile white wraps around her.  "Okay, can you turn around or lie down….or…" his voice trailed off and he lost eye contact with her, starring intently at his worn shoes.  He didn't want to wear his heart on his sleeve.  He had to be professional.  Her life, her psychiatric state depended on his professional mannerisms.  

            She starred down at her hands too, unwilling to look at him.  She knew they were jumping up and down on a fine line.  This was going a little beyond handler/asset lines.  "I need to lie down."   She stifled a yawn and felt the exhaustion creep through her veins.  She fought it tooth and nail, not wanting to give into the nightmares that she thought, well she **knew **would take over as soon as she shut her eyes.

            Her tired being collapsed down further and she placed her head down on the blanket and felt her eyelashes flutter against it.  It felt so soft and so smooth, the gentle fabric weave beneath her.  She wanted to curl up in it and feel it against her skin.  It warmed her cold skin but it would never be warm enough to defrost her icy soul.  She nestled into the old comforter and sighed into the smell of Michael Vaughn's life.  "I'll try to be gentle." He whispered softly as he sat up on his heels and applied the anti-septic slowly.

            "It's okay.  I don't feel it anymore." She lied, her voice soft and muffled against the blanket.  Her chest started to feel tight and her entire form ached with pain.   

            "This one on your back is deep." He whispered hoarsely as he continued to clean it out.  There was dirt and debris caught in the edges of the wound, that extended beyond the confines of the corset hem.  He fought the urge to let his fingertips run along the smooth skin of her back.  Part of him started to question what she would do if he just eased the tension out of the tightly toned muscles.   

            "It hurts." She admitted, the tears long since dried and her voice had return.  She was slowly coming back to the world of the living.

            He needed to clean the wound further but that would be unlacing the back of her top.  He stopped moving and starred down at her.

            "What?  Is anything wrong?" She asked hoarsely and turned her head to face him.  Vaughn swallowed hard and looked into her beautiful brown eyes and almost instantly, she understood.  "It's okay.  I know that it goes…" Her voice was still soft.  "You don't need to-it's okay.  I can do it myself-"

            "No, it's okay.  I just thought I would ask before I-I-" He couldn't seem to get the words out correctly.  His thought process wasn't exactly clear.  

            She nodded slowly and then lay back down on the blanket, bracing her body slightly for what was going to come next.  She knew it would burn and ache but it was nothing to what she was feeling emotionally.  Each touch was painful.  It sent her heart racing madly and her skin tingling, wanting more.  She had never wanted something so badly.  Amend that, she had never wanted someone so badly.  There was Noah but Noah was long gone and dead by her hands.  She couldn't think about this right now.  

            Keeping his body as intact as possible, he slowly started to undo the stays to corset, revealing her back.  The milky white skin was void of its normal color and replaced by violent bruises that surrounded her whole back.  He pushed the corset off further and let it fall limp to either side of the fallen agent's body.  "What did those bastards do to you?"  He continued to clean her back, not pausing to savor in the thought of touching her beautiful skin.  He had pushed all emotions aside and not bothered to think out what was actually going on.  It would be better for both of them this way.  It only took him a few minutes to finish and when he did, he sat back on his heels.     "Did I miss any?" Vaughn as quietly as he finished and Sydney propped herself back up.  She held the back to her chest, fully aware of how naked she was and felt.  Her eyes showed how she felt.

            She looked at him and then at her hands, "The ones on my face."

            His eyes met hers, "They're not so bad.  An easy fix." He leaned forward once against and addressed the massive slash above her eyes.  When he finished, he met her eyes again.  They were in such close proximity.  If he just lowered his body down a little more, their lips would touch.  But they wouldn't.  They couldn't.  

            She stopped breathing for a moment and felt her heart breaking in a moment.  It was just a reminder of everything that she couldn't have and it was thirty centimeters away from her.  "Thank you." Her lips barely moved.

            Vaughn didn't want to move from the spot that he was standing.  He was so close to her and wanted to be there forever.  He had blocked how much he loved her.  "I have an old sweatshirt if you want-so you don't have to go home in your-"

            "Thank you." She repeated delicately again.  Breaking the contact that neither one of them wanted to do, Sydney pulled away and sat down against the fabric.  Regaining her voice more and more, she finally could speak the volumes she wanted to, "I just wanted to-I'm sorry I pulled you away.  I know you were sleeping and I mean, I just didn't know who else to call and I knew that I needed to talk to someone-"

            "Sydney," he held her wrist to stop her rant, "it's okay.  I don't want to pretend that I understand everything but I'm here for you-we've been over and over this.  You can trust me and because of that-I really don't mind getting out of bed to come and talk to you."

            Sydney managed a smile and nodded, "I just needed someone  to cry to.  Does that make any sense?"  She hunched over again and hugged her body tighter.  "I couldn't go home to Francie.  It's just not possible without telling her why I look like this.  This is the only place I feel safe.  I just needed to feel safe."

            "No one else knows about it.  You really are safe here." He cleared his throat softly and tried to rid it of the heavy hoarse tone that overshadowed it.  He reached into the box and pulled out an old Georgetown sweatshirt, gray and tattered from use.  He handed it to her and watched her reaction.   "A little more security." 

            "Georgetown?" She asked, turning the fabric over so she could slip in and turned away from him, to save herself some modesty.  

            "Graduated from there right before I join the CIA." He nodded as he thought of the easier days.  

            "You never told me that you were a Georgetown boy.  If I had known-" She tried to laugh a little but failed miserably.  The tears started to build up in her eyes but her faded eyes blinked them away quickly.  She slid the sweatshirt over her body and let the corset fall onto the ground behind her.  Turning back towards him, she curled up tightly and shot him a weak smile, "Thank you."

            His green eyes started to shine in the dim lighting.  She was starting to feel better and that was all that he could ever ask for.  He just wanted her to be able to be back on her own two feet.  It made his life that much harder when she was broken.  It was hard from him to be happy and to get excited about things in his life when he consciously knew that she was fading and mentally dying in hers.  "Where do we go from here?" He asked after a long moment of awkward silence.

            She inhaled stiffly and said the thing that made the most sense.  "You go back home to your girlfriend, climb back into bed, and try to get some sleep before going to work tomorrow."   It hurt to speak the truth but she knew it was the only way.  As her vision began to clear, she realized how much he couldn't stay with her.  It was a mistake to call.

            Vaughn didn't appreciate this tart response and shot back, "And you?"

            "I'm gonna stay here and try to pull myself enough to make my way home."

            Vaughn started to argue almost immediately, "We both know-"

            "Go home, Vaughn.  I appreciate you coming to see me and making sure that I'm okay-"  The Bristow temper started to show itself.  There was no way that she would let him stand in her way.  It was for the best that he leave.  She didn't know what would happen if he stayed.  

            "What's going on?"

            "I'm fine, Vaughn." She shot him a sympathetic look and shrugged her shoulders innocently.  "Really."  

            He leaned forward slightly and stared her down, forehead full of concern wrinkles, "No, you're not.  Why are you changing all of a sudden?"

            She tried to yell but it came out a mild squeak, "Because it's time for you to go back-"

            "Sydney."

            "Vaughn."

            "No.  No.  I'm going to stay here until I'm convinced you're okay.  If that means I stay here all night, then I stay here all night." Vaughn countered and waited for her reaction.  He knew that he was right and was waiting for her to come to the realization.  He would stay here all night just waiting for her to come to that realization.

            The emotion came flooding back like a horrible floodgate.  She started to choke on her own words and hated how weak that she sounded.  "Vaughn."

            "Why don't you lie down for-and close your eyes.  I know you're exhausted.  I see that you're exhausted.  I'll be right here.  I'll make sure that you're safe.  It's all going to be okay."

            Sydney nodded reluctantly and lay down onto the blanket, resting near Vaughn's leg.  He took the other side and wrapped it tightly around her body.  He laid back slightly against the chain fence and allowed her to curl up near his body.  Her head rested on his hip and her eyelashes fluttered until they were shut.  The exhaustion had taken over and her entire body became numb.  She inhaled deeply the scent of the man that she loved.  "Never say it's going to be okay.  It never is." 

            He stroked her hair softly as he cooed, "Just close your eyes, Sydney.  I'll be here when you wake up.  Everything will be okay. Everything will be okay."  He reached over her and pulled blanket over her body and covered his own legs.  He was tired too but it was going to be okay.  It had to be.  

_End._


	2. Ever

Authors Note…I wasn't going to do a second chapter to this story but then the idea started to grow on me...haven't decided whether or not to do a third chapter…lemme know what you think!

Never…Ever…

Her eyelashes fluttered open and immediately, she was nauseous with pain. Every fiber of her body started to tingle with unbearable pain. It seems as though every nerve in her body was on fire. Her back ached as it never had before and every muscle was stiff and sore. Her mouth felt like cotton and it hurt so much to swallow. There was a deep, tinny taste in her mouth. She recognized the taste and she was immediately more concerned. It was a mixture of blood and adrenaline. In addition to the pain, she was completely disoriented. The room that she was in was completely dark and damp. The air was deeply settled and cold. Shivering slightly, she curled closer to whatever she was curled against. Her senses were slowly coming back to her as she recognized the material that her face was resting against. It was suede. Her brown eyes fluttered a little bit more and she realized that the warmth radiating from it was from a person…a man….Her eyes shot open-Vaughn. She was suddenly aware of everything. Her arms were wrapped around his torso and her legs were intertwined with his. There were so many thought going through her head, she felt dizzy. But the one coherent thought she could concentrate on was the absolute pain coursing through her back. Vaughn had wrapped his arm around her, resting his forearm against the gash going down her back.

Her thoughts caught up with the sensations. She remembered what had happened and why they were both there. Most importantly, she discovered why she was in pain. Vaughn's arm was hooked around her waist…right were the deep gash was.

Vaughn had slid down the chain fence and ended up on his back. The exhaustion had crept its way through his body and he could no longer move. His intentions of staying awake and watching over her had faded and the adrenaline drained from his system. Now, his eyes were tightly shut…only having drifted to sleep a few minutes earlier. The blanket had wrapped around his body as curled closer to Sydney, subconsciously wrapping his arms around her and bringing her closer to his body.

"Vaughn." She whispered through a tear soaked voice. This pain was worse than anything she could imagine. Her head started to spin and she felt insanely nauseous. Her voice was weak and raspy and barely audible, "Vaughn?"

He stirred slightly, pulling her closer, "Shh, baby. Go back to sleep. It's okay." He mumbled before drifting back off. He kissed her forehead and caressed her back softly with his hand. "All gonna be okay."

"Vaughn, please. Please, wake up." The tears were beginning to course down her face and she felt her body begin to shake from the pain. It would only be a matter of time before she passed out. Pain had never felt that intense coursing down her body.

This time he woke up a little more and became aware of his surroundings. It took a moment for him realize what was going on, "Sydney." He managed to gasp, as he struggled to sit up a little bit, feeling her body shake and tear in his arms. "Syd, what's wrong."

She couldn't even speak, the pain was so intense. "M-my b-a-back." She managed to whisper as he sat up and gathered her into his arms. She sat on his lap, wrapped in his arms in the fetal position as the tears coursed down her face. "So much pain."

"Where are you hurting, Syd?" His eyes scanned her body in the darkness, looking and feeling for blood. Was she bleeding? Was she broken?

"My back." She curled into his chest and started to sob. The tears didn't even feel like real tears anymore. It was just an empty void of emotions that spilled out over her cheeks.

"Oh Syd." He pulled her closer, angling her body in such a way that his hand was supporting her upper back, with another resting across her legs. She was firmly situated in his lap, with her legs thrown over one of his "Shh. It's going to be okay." He bent his neck and talked into her smoky smelling hair.

She turned her head so that she was talking directly into his cheek. He was scruffy and exhausted. "You-you keep saying that." She placed a hand on his chest and sobbed a little harder.

"But it is. You have to believe me, Sydney. Please." He ran his thumb along her shoulder, "Please believe me." He rocked her back in forth like a tired child in his arms. Beneath his breath, he made soft soothing sounds trying to stop her tears. He hated to see her like this. This made his heart break a thousand times.

"I can't." She shook her head against his face. "I can't." Sobbing took over her speech. Her vision started to blur in and out and she knew that it would only be a matter of time before pain took her consciousness.

"You have no choice." He turned his face so that they were eye to eye. It took a moment for Sydney to comprehend what was happening. Everything was getting blurrier. The tinny taste was getting worse. Were their lips touching? The pain was getting worse. Was that the smell of his cologne? She was almost sure her cuts were beginning to bleed again. Were his eyes that green? Her abs contracted and she was sure that she was going to pass out, vomit, or just die right in his arms. Were their lips touching? Was she kissing him and not really be aware of it? They were close. She knew that a half of a millimeter more and they were would press against each other. That was should have been the last thing on her mind. There was not a rational thought in her brain. All she could concentrate on was the deafening heartbeat in her ears and the throbbing sensation spreading through her back. "You're stronger than this, Syd. I know it hurts. Just please believe me that everything will be okay."

He was starting to wonder how close they were getting. Their lips were almost touching and he almost felt as though he was talking against her withering chapped lips. He adjusted her slightly in his arms. She was positioned at an odd angle to his body. This was going to end poorly. If anyone had seen them, there would go the relationship with the woman he loved. Was it possible to love two women at the same time? He loved being with Alice and he enjoyed her company and how he felt when he was around her….but his happiness depended on Sydney's. He hated when she was depressed, angry, or upset. Things with Alice were easier when things with Sydney were going right.

Sydney's frame was situated firmly between his legs, her legs bent over his thighs. She was tilted back slightly, his arm securely wrapped around her upper back, careful to avoid the gash. Her lower back was supported by the inside of his thigh. His other arm was crooked beneath her bent knees. "What time is it?" She asked, sobbing through her words.

He awkwardly caught a glance at his watching-a cheap one he found in the back of a drawer. It was 6:39. He had to be at work in an hour and eleven minutes… "Syd. Syd, we need to get you home. I need to call Will."

"No! He's out of town. I'm fine. I'm fine. I swear-" she sobbed again, feeling a loss of control over her body. "I swear to you, I'm fine. I'm fine." She started to lose her breath, feeling her chest heave with each inhale. She shook violently and grasped at his jacket lapels.

His heart felt like it was breaking. He gripped her tighter and pulled her closer to his body, trying to will away her pain and talked over her gasping. "Being in this warehouse isn't good for you. Will can help you cover with Francie."

"I can't explain this to them." She tried to pulled his face towards hers-to stare into his eyes but failed rather miserably. She didn't have enough muscle left in her body and the injuries to her body were too great.

"Will already knows that you're with the agency." He tried so hard to reason with her and found his exhausted mind unable to compete with her.

"But he can't see me like this. He can't know what I really do."

He sighed, frustrated, "You need to get over your vanity, Syd."

She took a moment to let the words sink in. Trying so hard, she regulated her breathing a little bit more. He listened to the wet gasp of her lungs. A moment lapse of panic took over both of them as he wondered if she was bleeding internally. But realistically, it was panic attack that was causing her to breathe like that. Finally after a moment, she gasped, "You think this is about vanity? Vaughn, look at me! Look at me!"

He maneuvered her body in his arms so that he could look into her eyes. He saw what she was talking about. There was something broken deep inside her. A deep, insurgent pain that rocked her core had grip on her. He looked away and felt his brow wrinkle in concern. "Sydney."

She reached up and dried her eyes. With the tears still damp on her hands, she touched his drying skin. He closed his eyes for a moment and felt her touch, raw with emotion. "Just stay with me for a few more minutes and then I can go home." She tried to curl up tighter in her skin but instead curled up tighter in his arms. Her hand retracted back to her collar bone and she shuddered slightly.

Vaughn sighed reluctantly and literally lifted her off the ground and placed her on her side. "You need to sleep in a real bed, Syd." He maneuvered her more and she silently complied, feeling him wrap the blanket around her body. He tucked it beneath her body and brushed her hair out of her eyes. "Please, Syd: let me help you." He knelt over her, watching the pain overtake her body. He received no response and leaned over further. The moment her head hit the ground, she passed out. The exhaustion and the pain was too great for her fragile frame. He laughed to himself; fragile was the last word he would ever use to describe Sydney Bristow. He made his way to his feet, looking at her one more time before walking off to one of the darker area of the warehouse. Pulling the cell phone from his pocket, he dialed a number, confident that the cell number couldn't be traced. The phone on the other end must have rang five or six times, making Vaughn increasingly frustrated.

"Will Tippin."

"Will, it's Michael Vaughn. You need to meet me at the warehouse."

It took a moment for Will to register what was going on and then Vaughn heard the thought process, "How bad is it?"

Vaughn turned back towards Sydney and sighed, "It's bad. Bring the kit that she keeps in the back of the closet."

"Give me a half hour-I just walked in the door."

WORLDSCANONLYCONLIDEONCE

The air was damp and the entire building was cold. Will left the rest of the world, complete with the rising sun to enter the warehouse. His arms were heaving with large duffel in his arms. Sydney always kept the bag in the back of her closet in case of emergencies. It was full of a pair of sweatpants and sweatshirt, one of her favorite blankets, prescription for painkillers, a complete alias with wig and all, and other misc. odds and ends that she would undoubtedly need. It was all compacted in a purple quilted bag. "Vaughn." He spoke softly as he walked through the dim building.

Vaughn stood from his post, resting on a crate and watching over Sydney, "Will. Thanks for coming back." They briefly shook hands and Will handed him the bag.

"How could I not come? How's she doing?" he looked past Vaughn to the sleeping form of the girl he adored.

Vaughn followed Will's eyes. "Not well. The injuries are being infected and I'm getting worried. We need to get her out of here." Vaughn placed his hands on his hips and let his head hang, shaking it slightly. "We can successfully get her to the hospital without the two of us putting ourselves in deep.

Will almost smiled and looked back at Vaughn, "I'm already in deep, Mr. Vaughn."

Vaughn looked at Will and almost smiled, "I think you're about to get in deeper. Drop the formal stuff." He walked back over to Sydney, kneeling down behind her, "This is going to take a few minutes."

THESETWOMENWEREHERWORLD

The car pulled up no place special as the sun started to rise over the horizon line. Will sat behind the wheel of his gray four door car with Vaughn and Sydney in the back of his seat. Vaughn had concealed himself as much as possible, throwing on an old baseball camp and keeping his head down. He had made sure that Will took all the necessary precautions so they wouldn't be caught. He knew in the pit of his stomach it was so dangerous for him to make this trip but Will needed an extra pair of hands to get her safe.. Things were just getting harder, not easier. "This is it."

Will simply nodded and killed the engine. "We need to hurry and get her inside, don't we? I-"

Vaughn unfastened his seatbelt and released his grip against the sleeping woman in his lap. Vaughn and Will had a hell of a time getting her into the car. She was still dressed in the outfit she was tortured in. And as they made their way to the car, she awoke slightly and started screaming, sinking her nails deep into Vaughn's shoulder, causing him to almost drop her in searing pain. Her four long nails drew blood on the back of his right shoulder.

But that was nearly forty-five minutes ago and now, came the task of getting her out of the car and into the place that she needed to be; a real bed. Will jumped out of the driver's side door and walked to the backseat. Without a word, he lifted Sydney into his arms and made his way towards the motel. Vaughn followed wordlessly, grabbing the purple duffle bag and slamming the door behind him. His heart was pounding so loudly in his chest, he was sure it was going to slam out of his chest. Will had already made it to the front door and was waiting for Vaughn to open the door. They were no place special; some cheap motel off the highway. Will took the initiative and placed Sydney down in a chair resting near the front desk. Without regarding Vaughn or anyone else in the room, he strolled up to the front desk. "Yo man, we need a room." Will leaned against the counter of a cheap motel about thirty-five minutes away from the warehouse. His voice was heavy with a cockney accent. There were running the risk of being caught. He and Vaughn were out in daylight with no alias. Their only saving grace was that they used an alias's credit card and ID. Both decided that Sydney was worth the risk. "My girl here needs a place to recover from a little nip tuck." Sydney was placed in a nearby chair and slumped over. Her nose was covered with gauze and then over her brow and around her chin were carefully wrapped. Her torso was wrapped from her collarbone to her hips. Both ankles were bound and to anyone else in LA, she looked like she had just gotten out from under the knife.

The receptionist popped her gum and starred at the men in disbelief, "Her? Hey, whatever floats your boat." She tossed her peroxide dyed blonde locks of her shoulder as she handed him the keys. "Room 37 has a king size bed. That good enough for you?" She popped her gum again and drilled her neon pink nails against the rotted wood counter. The place was old and cheap.

"No." Will replied, looking back and forth from Vaughn to the receptionist, "We need two beds and a cot. One for my girl, one for me, and one for the nurse."

She popped her gum again and looked over Vaughn, "You're a nurse?"

"I'm a nurse." Vaughn snarled back causing the receptionist's eyes go wide.

"We don't have no cots. Two beds are the max. Looks like you and your girlfriend are gonna be in the same bed. Sucks to be you." She replied, continuing to drill her nails against the counter top.

"Fine. We'll take the two beds." Will looked over to Sydney protectively and sighed.

"Room 42." She tossed him the key and turned back to her small TV playing her soap opera. "Best of luck, to you."

Vaughn shot a pointed look and they left the yellow and bright orange confines of the motel lobby. Vaughn took the lead and gathered Sydney's slender frame in his arms from the small . She woke slightly and pulled her body closer to his, "Wha-"

"We're taking care of you. Don't worry." Vaughn murmured softly into his hair still curled but matted from sweat and blood. Turning slightly, he faced Will, "Where are we going?" They walked out of the lobby in plain sight of the main road that coursed in front of the motel. The danger of them being there was only increasing. Vaughn began to second guess his decision to come here. Maybe they should have gone back to Sydney's place or gone to his place. This was a bad idea and the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach told him so.

"Room's this way." Will took the lead, taking care to glance back every once and a while. He carried the purple duffle that still contained everything that they would need if something were to happen. But nothing was going to happen. SD-6 was not tailing them and there was no way for them to be tracked to this location. Will's blue eyes scanned over the horizon, "We gonna-"

"Later." Vaughn answered.

The two men filed into the room in silence. The walls were covered with an ugly mustard yellow wallpaper. The floors were covered with bright orange carpeting, matted and dirty from years of use and neglect. It smelled of rotted wood and stale air. There were two small beds pushed on either side of the room with a small night table in the center with a little ceramic lamp. On the other side of the room, was the small bathroom and little pull shut closet. There was a broken old television resting on an old rickety stand in front of a short dresser with three drawers, with no handles. This sat directly across from the night table. There was a pretty decent size window on the same wall that shared the door. But the only view that it had was the bright yellow balcony and the highway. It just felt filthy. It was one of those motel rooms that men took call girls and only paid by the hour. Who knew what had gone on here before they arrived? Will internally shuddered at the thought. "This is better than the warehouse."

Vaughn simply nodded and placed Sydney on far bed. After much debating, the two men had changed her out of her full skirt and replaced the heavy fabric with a pair of black sweatpants she kept in the purple quilted duffle. She was still covered with the Georgetown sweatshirt and she would end up keeping it for a while. The extra large gray material swam on her body. Under the bright lights, he could see the damage done to her face. Sighing slightly, he acknowledged Will, "Those bastards beat her for three days, starving her, and who knows what else. She said that she couldn't sleep because every time she did, she saw him standing over her." Vaughn looked disgusted and disdain dripped from his voice, "I want to kill him." He sat at her side and worked the comforter around her body to cover her. "This is the first time she's slept in who knows how long. I mean, she slept for a little while in the warehouse but woke up in so much pain. We should probably get some sort of pain killer in her system. I don't want to wake her though." The internal battle was bubbling over.

Will sat down on the other bed and couldn't bring himself to look at her, "I hate her being in this life."

Vaughn nodded, "It's not an easy life for anyone but she's good at what she does. She's strong, Will. As much as we may worry about her, she knows exactly what she's doing. I-," He looked down for a moment and felt his brow wrinkle up with concern. He simply shook his head back and forth, "I don't know what to do for her anymore." Without warning, Vaughn reached into his pocket. His phone had been vibrating during his little speech and it was calling his attention. "Vaughn."

"Sweetheart, is everything okay?" Alice's worried voice came hushed over the other end of the phone. Her body was still warm and curled up in the bed that he left hours and hours ago.

Vaughn smiled in spite on himself, "Yeah, yeah. Don't worry." He got to his feet and crossed to the decrepit bathroom, "Something came up with work."

The concern began to creep into her voice, "Is there anything I can do?"

He sighed heavily and no matter what he wanted with Sydney, he wanted to be with her at home. It sounded so appealing just to be for a little bit. "Baby, I'll be home soon. Please don't worry."

"You know I always do." She smiled into the phone. "Talk soon?"

Vaughn turned further way from Will and Sydney before replying, "Of course."

"I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you. I've got to go."

"Bye." She turned over in the sea of white down sheets, wanting to fall back asleep, praying that when she woke, she would find him laying beside her.

"Bye." He barely whispered and snapped his phone shut. Feeling slightly overwhelmed, he put his arm upon the wall and shifted his weight against it. His eyes shut tightly and felt the exhaustion of the past couple of hours catch up to him. He knew in the pit of his stomach that it was dangerous for him to be there. Without him there, there was no danger. It was her not going home after a dangerous mission. His heart started to pound in his chest as he turned around to face them. Sydney was still unconscious. It was probably better that way. "Will." He responded simply by looking up. "I-um-I shouldn't be here. I'm making this too dangerous for her. I'm the link to the Agency." He started to shuffle his feet slightly. His hands were thrust deep in his pockets and looked towards the door.

Will's eyes got wide, "You're-you're leaving? Man, I can't handle if something happens." He got to his feet and ushered Vaughn over to a nook in the room. "What if SD-6 barges in here? I'm already in deep with them. They'll kill both of us."

"But if they see that I'm here, you're going to be in that much more trouble. I'm known CIA. They'll see me and then all three of us will be as good as dead." Vaughn hissed back. "Listen, no one is going to come after you. We took all the precautions and Sydney knew what she was doing. I picked this place for a reason. If anyone is suspicious, she's recovering from plastic surgery." He reached to his side and revealed his gun, "I want you to take this and use it only in an emergency. No one should be here but take it just in case. I need to make sure that you two are safe. I'll call for a security team. Trust me, Will."

Will took the gun from Vaughn's outstretched hand and felt the weight of it in his hands, "This was a bad idea bringing her here, wasn't it?"

"Anything's better than the warehouse and now you don't have to explain anything to Francie."

"Couldn't bring her to your place?" Will questioned, looking through Vaughn for a moment. He was exhausted and the tires of traveling and now the emotional strain.

"Girlfriend." Vaughn couldn't meet his eyes when he said it.

Will just nodded his head and turned back to look at Sydney, "Well, I guess we'll do the best we can. Hopefully we'll only have to be here for a day or so. Just until she gets strong enough to come back home. We'll have to work on a cover story with Francie. She's going to be fine. She always is." He took in a deep breath and shook his head. "She has to be okay."

Vaughn nodded his head in agreement, "You try telling her that." He took a moment and looked at her sleeping form again, "I'll try to get back when I come. Regardless, there will be a watch on the room. You're safe. You're going to be okay and so she's." Vaughn took another inhale and walked over to Sydney's sleeping form, "I'm sorry." He whispered to her and then without saying another word or looking back, he walked out the door to his car. This was for the best. He was going back to the woman that he loved, leaving the other to heel in the arms of a friend. Things would have to be okay.


	3. Maybe

Thank you to carbygurl05, AliasDoll, Natalie, Jesse, and pigeonofdoom, Ms. Q, largemarge416, alias4ever, and s for your reviews! I made this chapter a little bit shorter and hopefully this one will be more than 'good.' Let me know what I can do to raise the bar a little bit!

Her eyes fluttered open for the second or third time that morning. The room was brighter than she remembered it to be and confused for a moment. It didn't matter. Her body curled up tighter and she nestled deeper into the heavy down comforter that surrounded her body. Clearing the sleep from her eyes, she was able to clearly make out something that wasn't there before. "Hey." Her voice whispered, full of the grogginess that normally accompanied it early in the morning. She blinked a few times as she rolled over and watched the man sitting in a chair nearby the bed. He was untying his shoelaces; obviously making himself more comfortable. His suede jacket had already found a rest place on the back of the bed and soon enough, he was barefoot against the aging carpet beneath his feet.

He looked up from his shoes and smiled at her. "Hey there." He left his shoes on the ground and joined her on the bed, sitting so he could face her. His soft hands threaded through her hair, tasseled and matted from sleep, "How'd you sleep?" He watched her face conform to his hand as his palm stretched across her cheek, resting there for warmth and comfort for both of them.

A faint smile drifted over her lips, "Slept better and slept worse." She lifted a hand from the confines of the white comforter and rested it on his jean-clad knee. "Is everything okay? You had me worried about you."

Vaughn smiled and dipped his face to capture her lips with his. It almost forgot how sweet it was to taste her lips early in the morning. Parting from her, his heart was beating double time in his chest, "Something came up with work."

"Is everything okay?" Alice repeated again, flipping over onto her back and looking up to him with innocent eyes. She sat up a little bit and found her hand resting on the side of his face. He kissed her palm gingerly, causing her to smile.

Vaughn sighed and laid down next to her, clasping her hand to his chest, letting her feel his heartbeat with her gentle fingertips, "No and I don't think it'll be."

"Can you tell me what happened? I know 'state department secrets' and all of that, but sweetheart, let me help if I can. Even if it's just a shoulder to vent on. I'm here." She turned over on her side, propping her head up with an elbow. Her blonde hair was longer now. It had been a mistake to cut it a few months ago…lots of things had changed since then…Michael had been in the hospital just three weeks after they had gotten together…it was four weeks before that she had cut nearly six and a half inches off of her hair when they had decided to try it again. She had seen Michael at a party hosted by a dear friend of hers. They had been on a 'break' for nearly four months and not a moment went by that she didn't think of him. She missed him terribly and wanted him back. She was still in love with him, no matter what and she was sure that he felt the same way. Sure enough, after a long evening of secluded talking on the porch of the house, they decided to give it another shot. 'I never stopped loving you.' He had said and she knew that it was true. And she was truly, madly deeply in love with him.

But she worried about him. This wasn't the first time he had run off in the middle of the night, just kissing her good-bye and telling her that he would be back shortly. If she wasn't trusting, she would suspect something but Michael was a good boyfriend and he loved her.

Her question was only met by silence and him crinkling up his forehead, like he did when he got upset or worried, "Babe, c'mon. It's me. You know you can tell me anything." She traced little invisible circles on his shoulder and kissed his cheek lightly.

"Baby…" He turned to face her and saw how innocent her eyes were. They were the most beautiful blue he had ever seen up close. They were unspoiled by the evils of the world and the dangers of intelligence. She had never seen how broken a human could be if placed under the most straining circumstances. She didn't know of people who would kill just to watch the process of death. She had never seen how dangerous life could be. Where the difference between life and death could be a millimeter or deciding against wearing a bullet proof vest or casually slipping a piece of vital information out to an enemy. Alice Williams knew none of this and he wasn't about to tell her. "A friend of mine…a woman I started working with recently….she was…in a really bad car accident." He spoke slowly and chose his words carefully.

Alice's face went pale, "Oh my g-d, Michael. Is she alright?"

Vaughn looked away and shook his head, "She's in really bad shape right now. I don't know what's going to happen to her. She's new on the job. Only been with us for," G-d was in February already? "four months."

Alice gasped again and shook her head, "Why'd they call you?"

"I'm technically her supervisor. She's the new girl and they have this program where they assign someone new to someone who has been there for a few years. So, I guess you could say that she's my assignment." And that much was true. Okay, he didn't feel so bad about lying because he had yet to tell an actual lie. Sydney's ordeal could be considered an accident. And there was a car involved at some point.

"Why aren't you still there?"

"A close friend of hers came….I wanted to give him his privacy with her." He lied again, feeling the weight of the truth down on his soul.

"Oh." And she was quite for a moment. "What's her name?" Alice inquired, feeling increasingly sick to her stomach. The thought of someone being so injured that her boyfriend had to run out to the hospital at some G-d awful hour made her shaky.

Vaughn swallowed for a second, well aware that he couldn't give out Sydney's personal information. Well, he needed a name. He pretended for a moment to be choked up and took the opportunity to look around the room for anything that could jog his memory and think of a name. Sure enough, Alice took the bait and caressed his shoulder loving. Part of him felt sick having to bait her so he could come up with a lie.

"Shhh babe. I know it's hard for you to talk about. I'm just curious to hear about her. She seems really lovely and she must be if you've invested time in her." She hated to see him so upset.

There was a big vase sitting on top of the white washed bureau, "Iris. Her name is Iris."

"Pretty name." Alice mused, nestling her arms around Vaughn and kissing his temple. His body relaxed into hers and he rested his head on her collarbone. Inhaling deeply, he could still smell traces of her perfume residing on her pulse point behind her ear. She always smelled like white Gallia lilies and fabric softener. He felt her hands running through his short-cropped hair and rubbing gentle circles into his back. "Tell me more about her."

Vaughn inhaled and exhaled again, feeling increasingly awkward, "She's a great asset to the company. Brilliant; undergrad and masters in English at UCLA. Quick on her feet and witty. Pretty too." Beautiful is more like it.

Pretty too? "Does she understand your humor?" Alice smiled, rearranging her feet beneath the blanket. She stared up at the white ceiling and realized how perfect their life was together. Sure, they both had their faults and a lot of ups and downs that went with that but for the most part, she could honestly say that she could see herself ending up with him in the end. Here they were, wrapped up in a big, white down comforter in her bedroom, painted the softest baby blue she could fine, surrounded by white washed furniture and three vases of bright blue and purple irises. The blue sheers were closed and emitted a soft glow from the rising sun in the east. But what made the morning special was not the fact that she was in her favorite purple tank top with the orange lace edging or the fact that her boyfriend had returned to nestle in her arms for a little bit. It was the fact that she was so comfortable with their relationship that it was okay for them to talk about friends and coworkers of the opposite sex without either of them getting jealous. Of course, she would never want to talk about someone in such as way that they were doing at that moment-this poor girl was in a car accident and in critical condition. But it was reassuring nonetheless.

"We don't have time to joke a lot." Vaughn answered, wrapped his arms around her tiny frame and pulling their bodies closer together. Maybe he could forget about the world for just a few minutes. Maybe he could just be a man in love with a woman without the complications that had arisen.

"That's too bad. You're got quite a sense of humor."

"Mmhmm." Vaughn muffled into her collar bone. "Would you mind if I just closed my eyes for a minute? I'm beat from everything."

"Put your cell phone on the table and I'll wake you if it starts to vibrate again, okay?" She watched him with careful eyes as he set the technologically advance piece down on the table and regained his position in her arms. "What time do you have to go in today?"

"I already called in sick. I can't go with Iris in such bad shape." He responded, not really wanting to talk anymore.

"Should we go visit her at the hospital?"

"She's going to be in surgery all day today and her friend is there… They're going to call me when I can go in." He lied again and felt increasingly guilty about it. There was nothing more he hated than to lie straight to her face.

"Okay." Alice resided, feeling suprsingly okay with the situation. She knew Michael and knew that if he were worried, things were bad. He seemed calm but numb about. She trusted him. And with that thought, pulled her arms a little tighter feeling the warmth of his body seep into hers. "Close your eyes, sweetheart."

He did as he was told but not before letting a few uncharacteristic tears escape his eyes, sliding unnoticed down his face. The only thing he could do before he fell into a fitful sleep was pray to anyone who would listen that Sydney would be alright. She was stronger than anyone that tried to take her down. He knew her better than that. And for now, all he could do was sleep in the arms of the woman he loved. His eyes fluttered closed and he felt sleep take him over. Maybe things would be better when he woke.

cOnTiNuE?


	4. Clarity

Thank you to: Ruth, S, Natalie, Total Vaughn Lover, Grouchy, Cat, alias4ever, Jesse, kay10197, aliasdoll, and diveprincess for your wonderful and very helpful reviews…Same standard apply, anything that could be approved, please let me know. This chapter is a little different and I have a feeling some of you may get a little upset with me. Keep in mind…we still don't know what happened to Sydney and this is Pre-The Getaway. Vaughn and Sydney aren't suppose to having feels for each other yet…Also this is a dark chapter. You've been forewarned. I also don't own John Mayer's "Clarity' but love it anyway…

**I worry  
I weigh three times my body  
I worry  
I throw my fear around  
But this morning  
There's a calm I can't explain  
The rock candy's melted, only diamonds now remain**

Her eyes fluttered open for the second or third time that morning. The room was brighter than she remembered it to be and confused for a moment. Her body curled up tighter and she nestled deeper into the heavy down comforter that surrounded her body. Clearing the sleep from her eyes, she was able to clearly make out where she was. Fear crept through her as she came to the realization that she didn't know where she was. Her brain went through the events of the past couple of hours quickly, trying desperately to figure out what had happen. Her eyes were able to focus more in the glowing room and settled on a familiar face…but not the face she expected. "Hey." Her voice whispered, full of the grogginess that normally accompanied it early in the morning. She blinked a few times as she curled her body tighter and watched a friend sitting on the opposite bed, looking at her intently. From the moment the words left her mouth, he was over to her bedside nearly immediately.

**By the time I recognize this moment  
This moment will be gone  
But I will bend the light pretending  
That it somehow lingered on **

"Syd." He smiled and sat down beside her. "How are you feeling?"

She just looked up at him with broken eyes, "Where-?" Her voice was hushed and obviously on the verge of tears.

Will smoothed her hair against her head, "Vaughn called me. You're at a motel off the interstate. Don't worry-I'm going to take good care of you." He tried to smile but failed miserably. He had never really seen her life this. She was never this broken. Something must have gone terribly wrong if she was this unable to comprehend her situation. He had seen her (he had learned) only hours after being beaten or tortured or even shot. Never had he seen her in such a state. Something happened psychologically and the only solution he could come up with was one that scared him. No matter what, he wanted to be able to protect her from the evils of the world. Maybe that was naïve of him and maybe it was foolhardy but he wanted to extend himself so that she would never have to see the horrors that she really faced on a weekly, if not daily basis. Of course, he knew this was impossible due to the line of work that she was in but he could imagine it nonetheless. "So, how are you feeling?"

It took her a moment to comprehend what he had just said. He was suppose to be in Calabasas for the weekend to do something-her brain was too foggy at that point to really remember what was going on. It didn't really matter. She weakly smiled and lied, "I'm actually doing better."

Will grinned, "Liar. If you're going to lie to me, at least do it without the tears in your eyes. I know your back is hurting you like anything. I saw the gash, Syd." He looked away and shook his head, "What the hell did that bastard do to you?"

"Vaughn told you about the mission?" Her hoarse voice rang on in the space between them, full of complete concern. Vaughn should not have been giving out company secrets…even to close friends, like Will.

His blue eyes met hers, "He just told me in the car ride over that you were sent to Ireland and the man-"

Sydney sighed heavily and looked at him with doe like eyes. Without words, she shrugged her shoulders, "Will, I can't tell you." She rolled over onto her back and almost cried out in pain but bit the inside of her lip-hard-to keep from screaming. Forcing her body to move in ways that she knew that it couldn't, she sat up for the first time in hours. The pain was almost unbearable now.

"You can't or you won't?" He quickly countered, knowing that something was beneath the surface of her unique world. "I understand if it's either but I need to know which one it is." He placed a hand on hers and stroked it lovingly.

The tears started to come again and this time, she wasn't sure if she could stop them. It hurt her more than anything for Will to see her broken. He wasn't suppose to see what was this life was truly like. But something in her snapped, "Will, please. Please don't ask me." There was something missing in her eyes. Her breath came at uneven intervals as her body adjusted to the pain. It would take a minute but she soon regained control of her body. Inhaling deeply, she looked at him in the eyes. The covers folded over her lap neatly as she removed her hands from the confines of the comforter. Her fingers ran through her hair and attempting to clean it from its matted mess. Every movement ached and hurt more than the last one did. She could barely breathe, her body hurt so baldy.

His fingers ran through her hair and slowly coaxed her so she would lie back down. "Syd, please lie back. You need your rest." His voice was straining against his emotions. Watching him so emotional, she broke down into tears again, collapsing over her body, aching with the pain from the gash on her back and the bruises she dared not show. Her hands clasped at her collarbone and she continued to sob endlessly.

Poor Will was left sitting there and tried to comfort her the best that he could. He whispered soothing words and coaxed her into his arms, lying with her head in his lap. "I have something I can give you…make you sleep and maybe forget about this for a while…." It was the only thing he could really think of doing. It pained him so to see her this way. He didn't know what else he could do.

"No. More. Drugs." She gasped curling tighter in his arms. "I'm so sorry, Will. I'm so sorry. I wanted to protect you from all of this. I didn't want you to see me. I didn't want you to come. Oh G-d, Will." She sobbed harder than she ever had in her life. The tears shook her body and the fear of over exhaustion-grabbed hold of her by the throat.

"C'mon, Syd…you're stronger than this…c'mon, sweetie. I've never seen you this broken. Not even after your mother shot you…not even then…you've been through this before and have come out so much stronger…"

She noticed how the tears ran off her face and soaked the thin top sheet of the bed. Will's words drowned out and all she could focus on was the way the salty tears flowed down her face and how no many tears she cried, she would still feel broken. "I hate feeling helpless." She said at last, sniffling slightly.

Will sighed and looked around, stroking her hair absently, "I know you do, sweetie. But you're going to be okay. Just a few more hours here until you get your strength back. Now," He gathered her frail body into his arms and slowly guided her back down to the mattress, letting her adjust for pain under his touch. "you have a little IV thing in your bag with detailed instructions. I'm going to give you whatever you tell me to for the pain, okay?"

"No drugs." She responded strongly and starred at Will, "They're not necessary. Just stay with me and I'll sleep. I want to save that supply for when I'm really hurt."

"You are really hurt." Will countered, standing to get the purple duffle on the opposite bed.

"There are no bullets in my body and I'm not severely bleeding. Save it for when you have to pull something out of me. This is a cut. Nothing more; nothing less." She pressed her body off of the mattress and found her body lying back in the curled position that her body was becoming prone to.

Will turned back, the vile of morphine in his hand and looked at her, so broken and pathetic. "Sydney."

"Please…." She cried out to him and watched with hazed eyes as he walked over to her, abandoning the vile on the nigh stand. He sighed heavily and sat beside in the bed. Wordlessly, he wrapped his arms around her and let her curl up tightly in his arms. "I never wanted you to see me like this."

He sighed and looked down at her, "When you're strong enough, I can wash your hair for you. Get everything out of it." His hands caught through the matted mess.

There was a long moment that passed. Neither was really sure about how long it lasted or for why it lasted for so long. All that they knew was that the only sound that floated through the air was that of their own breathing and the occasional moan of Sydney's labored breath. She was obviously trying to prepare her body for the next surge of energy. "I'm strong enough." She replied at last, sitting up and wiping away her tears. The disgusting feel of the smoke and blood in her hair was beginning to make her sick. Maybe it was just the idea that part of the mission was still with her. Will untangled her from his arms wordlessly and pulled the covers back. She was still wearing the long skirt that she wore the night she was tortured. "I know-I know I have sweatpants in my bag. Might as well put those on…get of this outfit." She placed her feet on the floor and found the energy to get to her feet. She was weak more than anything else. She hadn't eaten anything in…there was no way of really knowing. She always ate before a mission…was easier in case she was detained. But she had no idea what day of the week it was or what time it was.

He looked at her with pitied eyes, "Let me get everything set up. You just sit here for a moment." Without waiting a response, he got up and walked over to her bag, pulled two plastic containers; one of shampoo and one of conditioner. Silently, he walked into the bathroom, where he started the running of hot. It sprayed him slightly, warming his cold hands. He continued to gather what he needed…a towel spread out on the floor…another one laying nearby…a comb that was supplied by the motel….Not really thinking much more than a to-do list, he continued to walk back and forth from the bathroom to the main area pulling things out of her bag. His sharp blue eyes focused, he finally completed everything. The bathroom was already warm, the mirrors beginning to cloud over with steam. He figured she'd probably need some warming up in her body. Maybe he would help her clean some of those wounds. Vaughn left specific instructions as well as more antiseptic and gauze. Finally, Will made his way back to the bed, where Sydney sat still, her feet firmly planted on the floor and her eyes locked emotionlessly forward.

"Let me help you, Syd." Again, he moved without words and collected Sydney into his arms. Her body was much lighter than he had anticipated…she was so frail and dehydrated. "We'll get you out of these clothes and then wash your hair…and you'll be able to go home soon." He continued with words of encouragement as he carried her through the room to the door on the right. The bathroom was once a pristine and white but now, with age and filth, the tile was an aged yellow. He felt her arms clinging to him and knew how much that had to hurt her. She didn't like being weak-depending on other people. Something was definitely wrong. Something much worse than had ever happened to her before. He set her down next to the tub on the cold floor and stepped back for a moment. Sydney readjusted her body weight against the cold tub. The coolness seeped through the bandages on her back. She didn't want to think anymore. It wasn't worth it. She no longer wanted to feel the surge of panic or the sensation of absolute pain. Her eyes remained cold and dull as Will found the neatly folded pair of black fleece lined sweatpants. "Do you want me to help you change?" He asked gingerly, crouching down beside her.

She looked up at him dumbly and just starred endlessly. This was her shutting down. It took a long moment for her to respond with an answer vaguely resembling that she could do it herself if he would only help her to her feet and keep her steady as she slipped off the skirt. Will, of course, agreed to these terms and slowly helped the fallen angel to her feet and helped her unbutton the long strew of satin covered buttons running down her hip and watched the skirt fall, pooling at her feet. Reaching behind him slightly and pulling his body at an odd angle, Will grabbed the pair of black sweats. It was then that he noticed two large bruises on her thighs, arching down to the inner muscle. He knew better than to comment. Even though he could see the faint traces of a hand print on either side of her leg, he knew that he couldn't say anything. He had to act like he hadn't seen them. She didn't want him to react. So, he didn't. Straightening up, he handed the cloth to Sydney, who slowly maneuvered her body to them. Every scrap of vanity was gone and she didn't even care that Will had seen her so scantily clad (granted, she was wearing cotton beneath the dress for her own sake of mind) As her pants settled on her waistline, she felt marginally better. Granted, her bodice was still only concealed by what she imagined was at least one roll of gauze…it covered from right below her breastbone down over her hips. It was better that way. She was still concealed…probably the most amount of clothing she had in a long time. "Wash my hair?" she managed to whisper as Will took her into his arms and just held her there for a moment, wanting to steady her slightly.

"Yeah, of course." He smoothed down a patch of her hair and pressed a platonic kiss in her hairline. Wrapping her in his arms, he slowly melted down to the floor and grabbed a towel resting just within arm's reach. He wrapped it around her shoulders and stepped forward, over her. The shower was luckily enough one of those detachable massage shower heads that was movable. He unhooked it, the bathtub still filling with hot water….for no express purpose except to warm the room and maybe warm her a little bit. He flipped the nozzle and the warm water began to flow out of the cheap shower head. "Lean back a little" He instructed softly and watched her obey. "Too hot?" The water began to pour over her matted hair, "Too cold?"

"Just right." She responded and basked in the wonderful feeling and getting the trauma out of her hair. She felt Will's fingertips massage the honeysuckle fragrant shampoo into her long chestnut hair and follow it with the soothing conditioner that followed. It took a long while for all of the soot and ash and dirt to be removed but every touch felt wonderful to her. His hands were so soft and smooth through her hair and she realized how much she valued him. "Will?" She murmured against closed eyes as he finished rinsing her hair and sat up her straighter.

"Yeah?" He wrapped a towel over her shoulders to protect the raw skin from the cool dripping hair.

"Thank you." She smiled for the first time in hours. "Thank you so much."

Will shared the smile and kissed her on the forehead, "Anything for you, Syd. You know that. Now, let's get you put together and see if we can order some food in here. Cool?"

She nodded and looked down at her hands folded in her lap, "I would like that."


	5. Confusion

Thank you once again to Hope, Marissa, Jesse, Megan, Totalvaughnlover, Diveprincess, Aliasdoll, S Bonnie, Margaret Sydofthesea, and Grouchy for your kind and thoughtful reviews! I hope this next chapter doesn't disappoint.

"Since when do you drink black coffee?" Alice rounded the breakfast nook in their little kitchen, watching her boyfriend nurse a green mug full of liquid steel. She made her way to the small table, cup of peppermint in one hand and a plate with a cranberry muffin in the other. She was still clothed in her pajamas; white lacy tank top and white and teal stripped pants. Her feet were bare against the hard wood floors. Her hair, tasseled from restless sleep, was pulled back in a tiny ponytail and her face shone slightly from the moisturizer on her skin.

He looked up at her and tried to smile, "You know how you meet people in your life and they change things about you and you don't realize that they've changed you until later?" He set the coffee mug down and opened his arms for her to nestle in. He still wore his jeans and t-shirt from early this morning, his cell phone tucked safely into his phone just in case.

She wore a puzzled expression on her face for a moment but sat down into his arms anyway, playing with his hairline, "I guess. Who's changed you, Hael?" Vaughn genially smiled upon hearing that name. Hael had originated from an observation that so many men named Michael were never called anything inventive. Through a period of trial and error and many, many bottles of wine, Hael became his nickname.

"Wife of a colleague. Her husband I were working on a project together and she gave me _the_ dirtiest look when I went to put cream and sugar in my coffee. Tried it black and liked it." Vaughn smiled and kissed her cheek, enjoying how his arms felt around her thin frame. She was a different build than other girls he had dated. She was thin and tall, but not overly muscular. She didn't have the defined abs or arms of other girls…like Sydney. Honestly, he didn't know how he felt about this but decided it was better not to think about it.

Alice took this and nodded thoughtfully. "You're not going in today?" Her eyes starred down into his. Her hands traced the lines on his face and thoughtful outlined the worry lines on his forehead.

"I'm not going in today." His met hers. He took a slow inhale and sighed, "I might go to the hospital later on and see Iris."

"I'd like to come with you." She reached forward and kissed his brow line. "Moral support." She wrapped her warms around his neck, "Besides, babe, I'd like to meet this girl you've been spending so much time with."

Vaughn sighed, "Thank you, baby, but-but I think I need to do this on my own. Besides, I don't want to overwhelm her." He felt the emotions rush back to his face. The blush and heat that he feared started to show on his graying skin. He was just terrified of Alice pushing on this and insisting on coming. He didn't want to say no to her or push her away. But he would have to. He had to protect the two women in his life.

She smiled sadly upon hearing this, "You know I'm here for you if you need anything." She leaned down to look into his eyes. His eyes were so beautiful, glowing green. But still, there was a tiredness, a new type of fatigue that she had never seen before. It had started a few months ago. He was changing…he was more restless in his sleep. She worried about him as he tossed and turned. There were a lot more sleepless nights for her. She would lay there with him, trying to soothe his strangled sleep.

She leaned his and pressed her lips to his, feeling the growing intensity and love with each kiss. Maybe she could make him feel better. Her hands traced his jaw and settled at the base of his neck. She felt her hands roaming her torso, holding firmly her waist in his hands. She was tiny, there was no doubt in that, and his fingers almost touched each other. Their kissing grew more passionate and it was she who first pulled away, feeling slightly dizzy and warm. Her entire body was humming with electric passion that she only felt when she kissed him. "I love you." She managed to find her voice and press her forehead into his, waiting for a reply.

He played with a strand on her hair, tucking it behind her ear, "I love you more." He leaned in and captured her lips passionately once again. They continued to sit there for an unknown amount of time, both of them exploring the other with just their fingertips. It was a gentle type of touch that was special to them. There was no throw-down passion here. There was a mutual respect and an unforgiving love that bound them so tightly. It was obvious to anyone observing this couple that they were meant for each other. Well, obvious if they didn't know the outer circumstances.

She leaned back slightly, arching her back against him to try to get more comfortable. But the wooden table at the small of her back made things less than perfect. "Let's go somewhere else." She murmured against his lips before swinging up her body upright. Vaughn looked at her and followed suit, capturing her into his arms and carrying her like a princess to the living room. He walked through the powder blue doorway and to the white and navy toile couch, Alice's favorite place in the house and laid her down on it. He stood over her for a moment, surveying how beautiful she was. His heart was still heavy with the thought of Sydney doing so poorly but he needed to push her out of his mind. He needed to not think about her. And at this moment, he could think of no other way. He joined Alice on the couch, taking her once again into his arms and taking his lips to hers. He tried to enjoy the taste of her lips, the feel of her touch, and the sound of her moans and gasps. But something was off. He pulled away, garnering a confused look from Alice. "What is it, baby?"

He sighed and shook his head, "I…" He started, unable to meet her baby blue eyes. Those were the eyes that he loved and dreaded. Her eyes made him feel like a lesser man. Her eyes made him want to tell her the truth. About everything.

"What?" She asked again, realizing how close they were talking. She could taste his exhale.

"I love you. You know that, right? I would never do anything to hurt you."

"Of course, I do, sweetheart." She placed her hand on his face. "Why are you saying this?" She pulled back slightly and felt her forehead wrinkle in concern.

"I dunno….I mean…I guess…things are hard right now. Work and all." He lied again, feeling worse about himself by the moment. He sat up and buried his head in his hands.

"And the anniversary of your father's death is coming up. I know how you get around this time. Don't worry, sweetheart, I'm here. I'll always be here. You're just tired and stressed right now. And thinking too much. I know you too well. You're just thinking too much." Her touch tried to coach him back down to kiss her. Her fingertips reached up and drew lazy circles on his shoulder.

Before he could answer and refute his claim, his cell phone rang. The vibrating from his pocket stopped him in his tracks. He moved quickly, pulling it up to his ear, "Vaughn." His face paled as the other voice on other even answered. His green eyes grew wide and he looked away from Alice to conceal his emotions. "Call him and I'll meet you there in forty five." He hung up and just starred at his silver cell phone in his hand for a moment. His jaw was pulled tight and he was obviously worried.

Alice watched this tight-lipped exchange and was immediately concerned, "Baby? Baby, is everything okay?" She sat up onto her feet and placed one hand on his shoulder and another on his thigh.

He looked at her with absolute fear in his eyes. There was no masking it any more, "I love you so much." He whispered at last. He had changed in a course of a few seconds and Alice knew in her heart that something was going to change.

"I love you too." She whispered back, her voice barely audible.

"I need to go." He caressed the side of her face and looked as though he was going to break. He whispered softly and his voice began to crack.

"Okay." She whispered back, nodding her head.

And then he was gone….

HELPIMONTHEBRINKOFDESTRUCTION


	6. Chaos

**I reformatted this chapter after reading your reviews…I apologize for the typos and the unrealistic story line…hope this is better now…**

Sydney took a slow inhale and tried to muster up enough strength to roll over onto her side. Her body was shaking and sweating, and cold all at the same time. Her hair was still damp from Will washing her hair and clinging uncontrollably to her neck. All she wanted to do was cry but could barely manage the energy to do so. Her body felt strangely weak and if she allowed her mind to do so, it wandered back to the torture that had been inflicted on her. She squinted her eyes as she relived the humiliation that had endured. No, no she was strong than he ever would be. She wouldn't let him take control of her life. The only thing she could do to stay sane was to concentrate on her breath. It was shaky and uncontrollable. One droplet of sweat rolled off her forehead and nestled down onto the white cotton pillow sham.

Will appeared into her line of sight, which was only limited to the ceiling and where her eyes were focused. "Syd…" He sat down next to her and ran his hand over her face, "Syd, I called Vaughn. He's coming."

"N-no." She breathed hard, trying desperately to claw Will's attention. "Please…"

Will kept his hand on her face but looked away, "I had to. I don't know how to deal with this. I'm so sorry, Syd." His heart was pounding in his chest and all he could hear was its resonating in his chest. It hurt him to breathe at that moment. He hated seeing her in this much pain.

"No!" She repeated, wishing she could make this all stop. And make the room stop spinning. Oh G-d, the room needed to stop spinning. She started to blink to regain her focus but her body was destroying itself and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

"Sydney, listen to me." Will's voice started to boom in her ears as her vision went dark. He watched her eyes darken and the color change. The color drained from her face and her breathing became more rapid. "Syd…Syd…" And she was gone. Her body slowly slipped away from a state of consciousness. The pain was much too great…the mental and the physical. "Sydney! Syd, c'mon sweetie-wake up! Wake up, Syd!" His heart was pounding in his chest. He didn't know what to do and felt so helpless. He never knew it was possible to love someone as much as he did Sydney. Granted, he knew that nothing could ever really happen with them but she was his best friend. They were always going to be there for each other. And now that one of them was in trouble, there was nothing he could do to help her. He was crying now and barely realized it. His blue eyes, now red from tears watched her body lay still, with the thankful exception of her chest rising and falling with each breath. Thankful for small miracles, Will cried even harder. He sniffed, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He had to get control of himself. He couldn't fall apart now. Not now. There was no way that he could help her and that just made his heartburn uncontrollably. He covered his eyes with his hands and sobbed mercilessly, wishing she could just be well and escape this life that was eventually going to kill her. He leaned over her body and sobbed, feeling the weight of his soul empty out of his eyes.

Vaughn slammed his car door and ran as fast as he could to the motel room door. He barely remembered driving there. His world had become a blur…all on autopilot. The last thing he consciously remembered was telling Alice how much he loved her. It took him longer to get there than anticipated…he had to make sure he wasn't being tailed and no one was following him. This was a difficult situation. Now, he was here and in all business. Well, all business and caring for a different woman. There was a definite difference between the woman that he loved, Alice, and the woman who he would give his life for, Sydney. His sprinted to the door and knocked repeatedly until he heard Will's footsteps. Feeling his heart pound in his chest, he watched the door with eagerness that could only be released by the opening of the door. His hands were forced into his pocket and he rocked back and forth on his heels.

Will finally opened the door and Vaughn rushed in, "How is she?" Will slammed and bolted the door firmly them.

Will turned to talk to him, his eyes still red and swollen. His words were choked by emotions and he thought he was going to lose himself again. "She's not doing well. She's unconscious."

Vaughn felt his heart drop into his chest. This was not good. "What?"

"She said she was feeling dizzy, so I carried her back to bed and she just slipped away from me." Will responded as he watched Vaughn round her bedside, place on hand on either side of her body, starring intently over her. Vaughn was overcome by emotion and unsure of what to do. He had to let his emotions take a backseat to reality. He ducked his head down for a second and took a slow inhale. "We have to do something." Will finished.

Vaughn could only assume the worse and think of brain damage. Brain damage. What if she never woke up from this? He could never live with himself if she never woke up. In the short time that all of this had happened, he convinced himself that it was the counter-mission that had caused this. This was his fault. His decisions could cost Sydney her life. And he would die if she did. Vaughn turned and faced Will, the poor man who was in charge of her care.

Will took a shaky inhale, "We need to get her to a hospital."

"I don't know if we can." His responded bitterly. "I have to get approval from my superiors before bringing her into a CIA affiliated hospital. Countermeasures need to be taken…and Jack is in Bangkok on a mission for SD-6. He has no idea."

"But she's sick. Screw all of that bureaucratic crap. She's a person. She's one of your agents. I thought you guys always took care of your own. " Will felt his voice rise and he started to get angry.

"Yes, we do. That's why I'm here. There's got to be another way to do this while we wait for clearance. I'll call into my superiors and have them work as fast as possible. But for now, this place isn't good for her. This was a bad move-"

"This was your idea!" Will screamed.

"I know! I didn't know what else to do! You have Francie and Charlie at Sydney's place—and I had my girlfriend at mine. There was no place else to go and we needed to get her out of that warehouse."

"Wait, you know about Francie and Charlie?" Will sized Vaughn up quickly and consciously wondered if he could take him down or not. Anger was so heavy besieged upon him that he just wanted to land one punch on Vaughn's jaw. His fists clenched white knuckles behind his back.

Vaughn looked down sheepishly, "Syd talks to me about other things than work, Will. I know a little bit about what's going on in her life and what's going on in the people's close to her lives as well."

"Including mine?"

He avoided the question, "We need to get her out of here. She needs a place where we can set up full medical and can be monitored." A small light bulb went on. It was from guilt, no doubt. He mentally berated himself for putting Sydney into an open area in the middle of Los Angeles. This was a rookie mistake and if she got made, it would be on his head. Vaughn got to his feet and paced for a moment, "I'm going to get Alice out of the house. I have a full med kit in my apartment. I'm trained in basic medical. We'll pull Weiss in…he was better at it than I was."

Will was livid. "Whoa whoa whoa wait. We're going to move her again? And to your apartment? Isn't that even more dangerous than the hospital? Isn't that more dangerous than here?" Will stepped forward, slightly outraged at the agent's decisions.

"I don't know what else to do!" Vaughn shouted back at Will. "If I don't want for my superiors' clearance of bringing Sydney in, we're declared rogue. Then, that isn't good for any of us involved. Besides, I've got a man on my back as is about my relationship with Sydney. If he finds out about this, I get pulled as her handler. Last time that happened, they gave her to a guy who put her life at risk just to have a meeting with "his girl." We need to do something that will work. This is going to be it, Will." His jaded green eyes watched for a moment as Will digested all of this. There was a long moment of hesitation. He didn't want to move and he didn't want to give into a plan that he knew went against what his gut was telling him to do. He loved Sydney more than he trusted his gut. Will nodded his head, grabbing Sydney bag and the car keys Vaughn extended out to him.

Will took a glance at Sydney and Vaughn, hesitating for just a moment, "This is the right thing?"

Vaughn nodded his head, "I would never do anything that wasn't it her best interest." Will took this as a satisfactory answer and started to gather the bag on the other bed. He turned away for a moment, feeling the emotions overcome him again and went to retrieve the items from the bathroom, leaving handler and asset alone for the first time since the warehouse. Vaughn turned towards Sydney, affectionately wiping her brow, "G-d, Syd, what did they do to you?" He hung his head. His bottom lip began to he tried to come up with a plan. Sure, he told Will that he could get Alice out of the house. Now, he had the question of how. His brain, overwrought with emotion and couldn't come up with a story. The only real conscious thing he could pray for was that fate would step in.

Alice still laid on the couch where Vaughn had left her. She had little desire to move and felt no need to. She called in sick from work and had the entire day to lounge to herself. Part of her prayed that Michael would call her and she could meet him at the hospital or take him out to coffee, something to help. She crossed her ankles and starred up to the ceiling, stretching slightly. The loud buzzing of her cell phone interrupted this cat-like state and sent her to her feet. She answered, unsure of who it was. The number was foreign to her. "Hello?"

"Alice?" A soft male voice came hesitant on the other side.

"Yes…" Alice replied slowly, settling herself back onto the couch, "May I ask who's calling?"

"Alice, it's me. It's Jake."

Alice felt her blood run cold and her tongue swell up in her mouth. In a state of shock, the cell phone fell out of her hand, ending up in her lap. "H-hi." She managed to say at last, retrieving her phone from the couch. Her hand flew to her mouth and she felt like she had been punched.

"Is that how you greet the-"


	7. Secrets

Alice sat up straighter, "Don't you dare finish that sentence, Jake! Don't you dare!" Her hands flared out with anger. They instantly coursed through her bed-ragged hair. Her heart was pounding so loudly in her chest. She felt her fingertips begin to tingle and her pulse raged in her feet.

The man on the other side of the line took a slow inhale and snapped back, "Fine. Have it your way. I want to see you, Alice. _We_ need it."

"We've already had this discussion. There's really nothing more to say." Alice retorted, covering her eyes with her hands. She needed to make him stop. This had gone too far as it was. She never should have let it get like this. _Oh G-d._

"Please, I'm asking you to do this for us. Please." Jake pleaded with her mercilessly over the phone. She could hear the emotions straining in his chest.

She took a long moment to decide. Her heart was split into two; she could either concede or see him one last time or she could cut him out of her life permanently, losing them forever. Regardless, her decision would tear her world apart. Her mistake from four and a half years ago held the potential to collapse the neat little world she had created since then. She felt her lower lip start to tremble, "How are you doing?" She managed to ask at last. Her hand was clenched around the phone and she felt like she dying all over again. Her heart shattered into a thousand pieces. This was going to destroy her life. Their exchanges could kill her easily.

"Okay…not great….just okay." Jake replied cryptically.

She could hear the tension in his voice and knew what his face looked like. His dark brown eyes were set deep and bore pain and love. She was responsible for that pain and partially responsible for that love. They shared something that she never really thought she would. She had never really thought about it before and then four and a half years ago, it was the only thing she could. For now, all she could think of was the man with the statuesque face with a long scar going from cheekbone to jawbone. She remembered how many times her fingers traced that scar, planting kisses along his face. She remembered what it felt like to look into his eyes and only see love. She knew that he hid no secrets from her. They were truly in love. But they were young and naïve. They were blind and it hurt them in the end. And it caused the end of them. "Oh Jake." She sighed heavily and shook her head back and forth.

"Is that a yes?" He jumped immediately. The desperation was becoming more and more evident in his voice.

"That's a yes." She answered, coming so close to tears. Her voice choked and strangled against her emotions. She covered her eyes and bore into the self-induced darkness. She just wanted it to stop.

"When?"

"Meet me in the park where we always went in thirty minutes." She answered, closing her eyes and falling back against on the couch. This wasn't the way she envisioned the day going. It was just three minutes ago that she was thinking of visiting with Michael at the hospital. Now, Jake Santos was back in her life. She sighed and shut the phone, barely hearing his response. She knew it would be affirmative. He was desperate to see her…they barely spoke now….She kept their phone calls to a minimum and their visits even fewer. She shook her head softly, trying to get a clear a head. This was only going to be bad. Really, really bad. She could only hope that she could continue to keep this from Michael.

Alice Williams, interior decorator, adoring daughter of John and Lucy Williams, loving girlfriend of Michael Vaughn had a secret.

OHNEVERADULLMOMENT

Vaughn was alone with Sydney, sitting on the motel room bed, desperately wanting to wrap her into his arms. Will had stepped out for the third time, scouting out the area. Surveillance. They had to be so careful if they wanted to move her. Despite her regaining consciousness, Vaughn still wasn't convinced that the area was entirely secure. So, they were taking turns examining the less than constant activity of the road in front of the hotel. It was almost his turn. He continued to watch her sleep, keeping careful time. It had been an hour since she opened her eyes for a moment and then fallen back to sleep. Vaughn prayed that it would be peaceful. Her cries of a nightmare plagued sleep haunted him. He sighed, not really knowing what to do and becoming increasingly nervous about the situation. He knew in his heart that he was making the right decision but, there were still things that could go wrong. It came down to the question of whether he was willing to risk her life for her supposed safety. He rested his head in his hands and sighed. Watching her sleep, he felt his phone vibrate on his hip. He opened his phone and got to his feet. With a hushed voice, he maneuvered his body over towards the bathroom, "Vaughn."

"Hey, baby." Alice though she sounded a little too sweet as she answered.

"Hey," he cleared his throat, "hey, what's going on?"

"Wanted to make sure everything was okay with you…and um…just wanted to let you know that I was going out for a little while--I won't be home when you get home, most likely." She hurried through her sentence, terrified she was going to get caught.

"Sweetie, is everything okay? You sound a little off." He replied, feeling his brow wrinkle in concern. His hand flew to the face and rubbed his eyes. He didn't need this right now. Things with her needed to be okay just for now. She could fall apart when Sydney was well. He couldn't have both of the women in his life falling apart at the seams. He instantly became claustrophobic and his throat felt like it was tightening. This wasn't happening.

"You sound just as off." Alice countered, slightly apprehensive at lying to her love.

He laughed lightly, a forced soft laugh. Maybe he had jumped to conclusions slightly. "Fair enough. Fair enough. Where are you off to?"

"Just going to the park for a run. Maybe meeting some of the girls there." She lied, feeling herself sink faster and faster into this pit.

"Oh very nice." He took a deep inhale, "Have fun. Be careful?"

"Always am." Alice replied, digging her nails into the palm of her hands.

"Alright sweetie, I need to…there's things…I gotta go…bye." He managed to stammer, feeling the weight of his heart sink into the pit of his stomach.

"Bye."

Vaughn snapped his phone shut and returned it to his pocket. His hands went through his hair. Something was up with her and he couldn't put his finger on it. He tried so hard to shake that from his mind. There was not enough room in his brain to worry about his girlfriend. As horrible as that sounded, he hand to keep his love live and his business life separate. It was the only way that he could survive. It was defense mechanism. He would simply put her on the back burner and wait for all of those emotions to resurface whenever Alice got home. On an positive note, he wouldn't have to worry about getting Alice out of the house. Just a matter of keeping her out of the house. But normally when she went for a run, she was gone for hours. She always stopped to grab something to eat and most importantly, get her iced latte and whatnot. He managed to breathe again. It was a little bit better.

Will walked in a few moments later and Vaughn barely noticed. His mind was drifting from one thing to another. Now, instead of looking at Sydney, he was looking out to the highway. Absently, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a new carton of cigarettes. There were only two or three missing. He had tried to quit but with the stress of his job, it was easier not to. He honestly felt like it was keeping him sane. He reached deep into another pocket and found a box of matches. It was nostalgic of him to use matches. His father smoked and always had a box of matches that shook slightly with each step. It was just a reminder of his father, he assumed. He took one stick and lit it with a sharp crackle, lighting the bottom of the cigarette. He shook the match abruptly and dropped it to the ground. Not thinking anything more, he brought the cigarette up to his mouth and took a long inhale, feeling the nicotine rushing through his system. He took half a moment to close his eyes and savor the initial rush. Letting out a long puff of smoke, he opened his eyes and scanned the horizon line. He wasn't sure what he was looking for but he would know it when he found it. Trying to look casual, he paced up and down the walkway, taking slow drags until his cigarette faded into ash. He lit another and continued his walk. He had no idea how long he was out there until Will had stepped outside to relieve him of his duty. Vaughn flicked his fourth cigarette onto the ground and pressed it into the cement with the bottom of his shoe. He was numb. His brain was working overtime and the only thing he could really do was see everything in black and white.

Vaughn moved back inside, returning to Sydney's bedside. Without realizing it, an hour and a half had past and he hadn't thought of Alice once. Will shut the door firmly behind him and Vaughn settled down by her side. He took a slow inhale, devoid of any new nicotine and rested his hands on his thighs. He shook his head softly back and forth, unsure of what was really happening. It was then that she started screaming. Beneath the veil of exhaustion, her body started toss and strain.

"Syd, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay." There was nothing he could do to make this stop. It felt like it was only a moment ago that he feared for her life, and now, her sanity. He sighed in frustration as he attempts to calm her didn't work. He wondered how thin the walls were. That's all that they needed right now-someone calling the police because they think that a woman was being abused. Well, she had been abused-just not by the men in that room at that time. She wouldn't stop. Her lungs empty of oxygen and her desperate inhales wracked her body. She continued, four and a half minutes passed and she still struggled for sanity.

_The Irish man, the one with dark black hair and even darker eyes, was standing over her again. He was smiling. His eyes were degrading her. His hands were- - _

The door opened and Vaughn snapped to his feet, one hand on the gun in his holster, "Will?"

"Yeah, yeah it's me." Will replied, coming into view. "You can hear her all the way down the hall."

Vaughn looked down towards Sydney, who was still wailing against her ghosts. "We can't wake her up."

The two men just starred as the woman they loved slowly started to regain her breath. The screams stopped and now, only tears seeped from her eyes. "We're all clear outside, Vaughn. This is getting ridiculous. We _have_ to move her. We have our window. We _have_ to risk waking her up. There's nothing else we can do."

"I agree." He took another moment, "I'll get her and we'll get her to my place. You pay the bill?"

"Yeah-signed it under Nick Orpehus. You always carry pseudo credit cards?"

Vaughn smiled and nodded his head, "Yeah. Hazard of the trade, I guess." He didn't really feel like ins and outs of being a spy. He was normally okay to talk about just about anything but today with Sydney and Alice, he just couldn't. He didn't have enough energy. Vaughn walked over to the bed and maneuvered his arms around her body. "It's all gonna be okay, Syd."

Her eyes fluttered open for the second time in over two hours. Her brain was dizzy and things were foggy. She felt salty tears course down her face and felt her heart pounding loudly in her chest. She was disoriented and confused. She retrieved her hand and reached up to touch Vaughn's face, "No." She sighed, taking so much effort for her to speak.

Vaughn gathered her into his arms and lifted her off of the bed, her hands still on his face. "If I promise you one thing in this life, I give you my word that you're going to make it and you're going to be okay."

She curled her arms close to her chest, rested her curled hands beneath her chin (a la Audrey Hepburn). Her head shook back and forth, "No." Her body ached more than before. It honestly hurt just to be alive. She started to cry a little bit, biting down on her lip to stop the tears. She was conscious enough to realize that she had cried enough in the last forty-eight hours to last her a lifetime. Her teeth gritted down into her dehydrated lip and soon, she felt blood trickle down to her throat.

Will looked on, slightly helpless. For the first time in his life, he realized that he was never going to be cut out for this life. He realized that the lies and dangers that people like Sydney and Vaughn faced on a daily basis. He had heard the conversation Vaughn had with his girlfriend. Those lies-how could Will ever tell them to a woman that he loved? He walked to the door, opening the door for the two agents. He took in a slow inhale as he was greeted with the highway. The noises overtook them and it flooded Will's mind for a moment. His blue eyes took a fleeting glance at Vaughn, waiting for approval to continue.

"Mine" was the only thing that Vaughn said and directed Will towards the chic silver sports car parked haphazardly in a nearby parking spot.

"Yeah." Will's brain was on auto-pilot as he climbed into the backseat and watched as Sydney was folded into his arms. Her head rested in the crook of his arm and he could feel the gentle inhale and exhale on his forearm. He had never loved her more than at that moment. He held her body in his arms and his blue eyes scanned over every bruise and cut on her face. Her hair was clinging desperately to the back of her neck and was soaking through his thin t-shirt. Absently, his hands stroked her hair.

Sydney was just coherent enough to understand what was going on, "Will?" She murmured into his fabric pants and her own hands.

Will leaned forward and pressed his ear close to her mouth as Vaughn slammed the door and got into the driver's seat.

She cleared her throat and tried so hard to speak clearly, "Where are we-"

"We're going to Vaughn's apartment. You'll be safe there." Will replied, not hazarding a look at Vaughn. He feared what he would find in the driver's eyes.

"SD-6." She replied breathily.

"SD-6 won't find you there. We've done everything make sure that you're going to be safe. It's gonna be okay, Syd." Will continued. He stroked her hair lovingly, making soothing noises beneath his breath. Anything to calm her down.

"You keep saying that. You both should-" She started to cough, letting it wrack her body and shake her. Will stroked her hair and back of her neck, in attempts to calm her down. He softly made soothing noises, trying so hard to make her quiet down. "You both should start a club."

"We're going to have t-shirts made." Will joked and adjusted his body weight beneath her, trying hard not to disrupt her. He wrapped one arm around her waist protectively, feeling how frail her body was. Enough beneath the bulk of the gauze, he could feel he ribcage. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss into her forehead, "We're not going to let anything happen to you. I promise you. You're going to be okay." He said more for himself than for her. It was the pain that ached in his chest that he selfishly tried to banish.

THINGSWEREBADBUTNOWTHEYREOKAY

Alice Williams strolled into the park, her heart ready to jump out of her chest. She had changed, dressed in a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt/long sleeved shirt. Her blonde hair was pushed away from her face by a black ribbon that trailed down her back. Her feet were clad in black ballet flats and she kept her body warm with a periwinkle pashmina that was thrown over her shoulder. She continued walking along the path that led into the depth of the park. It was darker here, the trees fuller. There was a beautifully constructed playground nearby and the squeals of children seemed to echo throughout. Her blue eyes scanned around. The sight was worth a postcard. Children dressed in bright colors were running around while their adoring parents looked on. Joggers strode past her, leaving her alone in their wake. Some people were lying out on towel, soaking up the warm sun. She stopped in her tracks, however, when she caught sight of a tall, dark haired man. He was standing near the playground, bouncing a beautiful toddler in his arms.

She swallowed hard and walked up the man, all of the anger disappearing. She couldn't remember why they hadn't worked. She couldn't remember why she thought she had moved on. There was no logical that reminded her that she was in love with another. She had no idea that she could forget so quickly. She only saw his striking eyes and suave smile. Feeling ever less confident, she strode up to him and managed to greet him in a flirtatious tone, "Jake Santos." Never in her wildest moments would she think that she would be meeting him here again.

The man turned and smiled at her, adjusting the little girl in his arms. "Hey Alice." His smile was still the same. His eyes still glowed the same color. The scar was still etched across his face, although it was a duller shade of pink. His smile only grew as he turned his attention towards the little girl, "Olivia, can you say hi? Do you know who this?"

The hazel eye toddler looked at Jake, looking very insecure. Her eyes looked out on Alice as she buried her head into her father's shoulder. She started to suck on her hand and pouted her lips out in only a way that would be fitting for such a little girl. And with no voice above a whisper, she replied, "Hi Mommy."


	8. Nothing

_I forgot my thank-you's in the previous chapter…so! I wanted to **thank **_**s_+V 4 eva PaRis, Margaret, __Sydney-Rose, Gear's Girl, Jesse, _****_serendipity112233_****_, pigeonofdoom, Ella, Meighan, Jessie, _****_mysteriouscharm_********_diveprincess_**_**, hudson304, Claire, soccerfreeek324, Aliasdoll, aliasfanatic, Grouchy, cabrygurl05, Ashley Lynn, and Sam **for your wonderful and very helpful reviews. I do apologize if I left out any names. I didn't expect such a reaction to Vaughn's smoking! I got the idea from the season 2 episode "A Dark Turn" Also, Jake Santos isn't related to Nadia…I needed a last name and that one just sounded right…This is an in-between chapter, just to forewarn. The following chapter is already finished…I'm really interested to hear your insights about what's going on/what you think might happen next….enjoy!_

Will continued to stroke Sydney's hair absently. She had faded once again into a light sleep. He looked down at her and could barely believe his own eyes. There was his best friend, one of the people that was closet to him in the world, curled up in his lap after being brutally tortured. He still couldn't believe it and didn't know if he ever wanted to. His eyes scanned the purple and yellow bruise still standing around her eye. He wanted to trace the cut she brandished on her lip and erase them with his fingertips. He just wanted to make this go away for her. There was no way he could ever imagine how much pain, physical and emotional that she was going through. Maybe that's why she kept slipping in and out of consciousness. It was to avoid everything that she was feeling. Why, he asked no one in particular, did this happen to her? She wasn't a horrible person. Sure, she lied to her friends everyday but that was for their safety. She did have her irritable tendencies. And there was that one time that she went shopping at the CVS on the corner and the buzzer went off and she didn't go back inside. But all of that surely did not make her a bad person.

He thanked G-d everyday that she was brought into his life. She was an amazing woman and not a day went by that he didn't realize that. She was incredible. There was not a doubt in his mind that she was strongest person he had ever met. He had gone over things a thousand times in his head. He had come to these realizations a half a dozen times over the past…how many hours? He shook his head slightly and glanced at the clock. It was nearly eleven thirty in the morning. This quite possibly had to be the longest day in the history of the world.

He was having a relaxing day. He had gone up to Santa Barbara to relax and de-stress. Amy had her apartment up their and he had decided to take her up on her numerous offers to stay at her place. So, he packed and overnight bag and slept on her couch. Feeling lazy for the past two days, he woke up late, sitting in her kitchen drinking strong coffee. He did nothing work related, sitting on the beach with Amy, whose hair was now a vibrant shade of purple. They went out at night, finding refuge in a high class lounge and returned at late hours. The deep purple bags that had taken up resident beneath his eyes had disappeared. He had been in for only three or four hours when he had received the phone call from Vaughn. Those bags were quickly on their way back. Amazing how much of a difference a few hours could make.

"How's she holding up?" Vaughn asked as he turned the car down past small houses. There were almost home. His heart was pounding so loudly in his chest, he could barely hear Will's response.

"She's the same." Will shifted his gaze from her chestnut hair to the passing houses, complete with white picket fences. It was the perfect suburban setting. Actually, it was really the perfect place to remain anonymous. He inhaled deeply. "Is this really going to work?"

Vaughn's eyes darted up to the rearview mirror and studied Will and Sydney for a brief moment, "I don't know. I hope so. We don't have much of a choice here."

Will wasn't exactly thrilled with that answer, "No choices." He said in disbelief, "She's always the one that loses in the end. The lies…the destruction…her life. How could she choose this?"

Vaughn circled the block, "If it's any consolation, she didn't choose this. There was no way of knowing that this would end up with her lying to everyone. She didn't know. No one ever realizes how much deception is involved with the CIA…they leave it out of the manual. They tell you that you can't tell anymore. And you accept that and continue. But once you're out of training, they don't tell how hard it is to tell everyone that you're just working for the State Department. That you have to lie about every late night or every unexplained disappearance. Sydney _does_ have it the hardest. She's an agent-she has to lie about every bump and bruise. Me, I just have to lie about paper cuts. I'm a glorified paper pusher and she's James Bond." He sighed heavily and shook his head. Again, he turned the corner, care to make sure that no one was following him. There was no such thing as being 100 sure that he wasn't being followed but he had to be as sure as he could be.

"She had no idea?"

"No idea whatsoever. She was looking for purpose. She wanted to serve her country and she was approached. You don't walk away from an offer like she got."

"How do you know all of this?"

"She was thoroughly debriefed. I was told everything that happened to her." Vaughn pulled into a small paved driveway. They had only circled the block five or six times. And he was absolutely sure, as sure as he humanly could be, that they weren't followed. Now, his heart was pounding so loudly in his chest. His asset was going to see the unthinkable. She was going to see the inside of his house. "We're here." It was a cute little house, there was no denying that. It was old, constructed of brick and brown shingles. There were beautiful, manicured bushes and rows of flowers. A small herb garden accented a corner, arching up beneath the first story window. The windows were opened, their white sheer curtains flapping gently against the wood frames. Vaughn cocked his head to the side. Alice rarely left the windows open and it was absolutely out of the ordinary that she left them open with her out of the house. He opened his car door and prepared for what was probably one of the hardest missions of his life.

BETRAYALISNOTWHATALWAYSWHATITSEEMS

"Hey Olivia." Alice opened her arms and welcomed the shy little girl into her arms. "Hey baby. Hey." She cooed softly as she kissed the girl's long blonde girls. She bounced her in her arms, rocking back and forth. Her heart was pounding and in overdrive from love. She couldn't believe she forgot how much she loved this little girl. Her maternal instincts were in overdrive and all she wanted to do was protect her. She wanted to keep her arms around her and never let her go. This is was love really felt like. "Oh Mommy's missed you so much. Did you know that? So much."

"I know, Mommy." She replied, squirming slightly in her mother's arms. "Daddy says we hafta-"

"I know what Daddy says, chickadee." Alice sat on the ground, still clutching her daughter to her chest. The ground was cold against the back of her legs and she could feel the dirt beneath her. But somehow, she managed not to care. She just didn't want to let go. She wanted to trace every ounce of her, know every freckle, every bump, every bruise, every scar. "How was school this week?"

The little girl, with the sparkling blue eyes and wide baby tooth smile, instantly came alive, "We went to the zoo! And I saw the geo-raff with the crooked neck! And the pen-gu-wins! Mommy, it was so much fun! I got a blue balloon!"

Alice started to laugh, "I'm glad you had so much fun, chickadee!" She kissed her over and over again.

"Why do you always call me dat?"

"Well, " Alice looked up at Jake, who she had thoroughly ignored, "Your Daddy used to call me his little chicky. So, when you were born, you were my little chicky too." She studied the man she had once loved for a moment. There were so many things she had forgotten. Maybe she had made the wrong decision by leaving. He was so handsome and their baby girl was so beautiful.

This seemed to satisfy the little girl for a moment. "Can I go play on the slides?"

Jake looked out the playground for a moment, "Yeah, baby. We can watch you from here. Just to the slides though, okay?"

And with that, the little girl took off towards the slide. Alice got up to her feet and formally greeted Jake. They watched the little girl take off, not quite disappearing among the three other children playing on the orange and blue jungle gym. "How are you doing?"

He smiled and it was the smile that made her knees go weak. He stepped closer and she felt like her heart was going to burst from so much happiness. She couldn't remember the last time that she felt like this. It flowed through her veins and dripped from her mouth. It hummed in her ears and made her body feel alive. "Much better now." He stepped closer to her, searching for her blue eyes for some of the flame that had once existed between them. Without much rhyme or reason, he slipped one hand around her waist and another through her hair. She never protested. She forgot all about Michael. The only thing she could remember was how wonderful Jake Santos' lips felt pressed against hers.


	9. Withdrawl

Thank you:

Meighan

Jesse

Margaret

s+V 4 eva PaRis

freitazal

Claire

Sam

pigeonofdoom

I got many of riled up over what happened with Alice…it will all be explained shortly enough. I'm hoping I didn't botch up the story too much. I'm a little self conscious now…but! This chapter is much more Sydney-centric. I love your honest opinions!

She was awake now. There was no returning to the not-so-blissful sleep that she had drifted in and out of. Her big brown eyes were wide open, memorizing every feature of Vaughn's bedroom. She saw every crack in the paint, every small detail, every pleat in the white sheer curtains. This was a paradise. The sheets were white, with a white comforter. For extra warmth, she had been coated in a ocean blue suaded throw. Vaughn had been extremely sweet and thoroughly tucked her in. Will kissed her chastely on the forehead and both had left her, wanting her to sleep and regain her strength. Well, that wasn't happening now. There was a large chest full of clothes and she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to live with Vaughn…doing laundry and doing chores together. She still couldn't believe that she was lying in Vaughn's bed. This was the bed that he slept in every night. This was his private domain. Her eyes fell onto a picture of him and a pretty blonde. Okay, maybe not so private domain. She cringed slightly at the fact that Alice slept in this bed too, wrapped tightly in his arms. Part of her wondered and she hated this part of her…she wondered whose side of the bed she was sleeping on. She lay of the left side of the bed…the side that she normally slept on…could it be possible that she and Vaughn could lay in this very bed together and fit so perfectly?

Sydney sighed heavily. None of this could be a reality. It was just a cruel and painful tease to her. This would be the closest she would ever get to sleeping in his arms…this morning had been a horrible tease too. She passed out in his arms, terribly afraid of what was waiting for her in her dreams. But now, she laid in a strange reality. The comforter smelled lightly of him…something that made her feel like his arms were around her again. The pain had subsided thanks in part to the IV that Weiss had inserted into her arm. He had injected her with heavy pain medication but not so much that she would not remain lucid. It was one of the rules that she laid down as Weiss at next to her on the bed.

"I understand, Syd." Weiss threaded the needed into one of her blue veins. Her skin was ashy and gray from lack of water and nutrition. His hands felt warm against her freezing skin. He furrowed his brow as he slid it in successfully and connected it to the IV bag set up nearby. He took a slow inhale and let it out just as slow. Vaughn had called him as soon as they got into the house, giving him a quick run-down on the situation. He had hurried over, dropping whatever it was that he was doing and was by Sydney's bedside. "You need to be able to kick somebody's ass."

Sydney chuckled lightly, "Yeah, that's it. I'm going to need…" She drifted off into a round of coughing. She tried desperately to clear her throat and regain some sort of normal breathing pattern. Her body shook violently, sending her slightly thrashing against the laceration on her back. She gritted her teeth down in pain.

When her hacking cough soon subsided, Weiss reached for the stethoscope around his neck and quickly checked her chest, peeling back the numerous covers to press the cold metal against her heart. He moved it three times, checking each time for her breathing. "We need to put you on antibiotics. I don't like the way your chest sounds."

She wanted to laugh, "If I had a nickel for every time I heard that one…"

"You'd be rich?" Weiss smiled and laughed lightly. "Yeah well…"

That was a while ago. She had lost track of time and really hadn't willed herself to look at the clock. He had gone on a list of reasons why she needed to be on different antibiotics. He was concerned about the gash in her back and then there were all of those lacerations scattered around her body. He couldn't help but point out that she was probably pumped with countless chemicals. She replied that it seemed logical and to do whatever to make her feel human again. It was a simple request, she thought and Weiss agreed. He had finished injecting antibiotics into the IV bag, squeezed her shoulder lovingly and told her that if she need anything, to shout or curse or throw something across the room—especially if it broke something because the look on Vaughn's face would be priceless. Weiss turned on his heels and left, leaving her to her own thoughts.

All she could think about was how surreal this whole experience was. She wished so hard that she could've seen Vaughn's apartment under different circumstances. She didn't want to see it because of a bastard in Ireland beating her and torturing her. She just couldn't cope with her situation. There was not an ounce in her body that wished that she could turn back the clock and accept back-up. Dixon was originally suppose to accompany her but she refused. Vaughn had suggested he go along but she reminded him that it would absolutely blow her cover. Regrets were for the weak at heart.

She sighed heavily and thanked G-d for a moment that she was coherent for the first time in days. She had been through hell and back and was just beginning to think that she could survive. Maybe Vaughn was right; maybe things would be okay. She braced her hands on either side of her and debated sitting up. As soon as her collarbone escaped the confines of the comforter, she was hit with unbearable cold. It traveled down her chest and wrapped around the rest of her body. She let out a sharp exhale. Lying on her back was a much better option. The long, deep gash did not hurt nearly as much. Weiss and Vaughn had taken careful care to redress it, much to admit refusal.

"I'm fine! Will the two of you just let me be?" She started to shout when the pain medication flowed through her veins. She was propped up by pillows and she was longer agonizing over extreme pain.

"I'm not going to let that get infected, Syd." Vaughn quick responded, placing his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. He was pacing towards the edge of the bed. He was worried, she knew that. He barely looked at her, a tell tale sign that he was on the edge of sanity. He could never look her in the eye when something was extremely wrong.

Weiss sat on her bed and looked at her soberly, "That's a deep cut. It's going to get you into trouble."

"You've already put salve on it. And wrapped my entire body in gauze. I'm going to start glowing in the dark from all of the crap you're pumping through my veins. I've been through enough. Please, just let me be."

She had lost the battle on that one. With much dismay, they cut the gauze around her torso and eased her back down onto the mattress. Again, her deep laceration was irrigated and dressed. Vaughn helped wrap gauze around her body once again and tuck her into bed, "I know how much this is killing you." He whispered softly. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and tried to see the old Sydney somewhere in her deep brown eyes. He sat on the right side of the bed…_his _side of the bed.

He was right. This was killing her. But it wasn't about what that man had done to her. It was the fact that she was lying in the bed of the man she had been lusting over. She was literally surrounded by the love and security that he shared with his girlfriend. He was in love with another woman and maybe it was the course of events, but she felt an immense feeling of loneliness. "I'm okay." She lied, biting down on her bottom lip. "This is just a lot for me." She looked around her surroundings, sure that he was following her eyes, "All of this is a lot to take in."

He sighed, "I know you've been through a lifetime's worth. Is there anything I can do?"

Sydney tried to smile, "There's nothing. You've already done a lot." She took a beat, "Thank you."

"This is what I'm here for, Syd. I told you, I'm always going to be here for you."

Now, in any other fairy tale, this is where Prince Charming would kiss the damsel in distress. But unfortunately, this was no fairy tale. Sydney was painful aware of the reality and would refuse to even entertain the concept of something happening between them. He had a girlfriend. He was with someone else. She tried to smile again and nod her head in agreement but couldn't bring herself to do it. "I really just want all of this to be over."

"What did that man do to you?" He hung his head and it back and forth slightly.

She debated for a moment whether or not to tell him. There was no benefit either way except for the weight being lifted off of her spirit. She hating concealing something like this and it was a hazard to her health. Then again, Vaughn did not need to know. There was nothing that he could do and he would only really overreact and act out. And there was the sincere possibility that she would tell Weiss, which really didn't bother her as much as she thought, but, the concept of Will knowing what happened made her stomach lurch. Her lips were pressed together tightly and she felt all of the color drain out of her face.

"Sydney," he noticed the paleness and wide fear-ridden eyes, "you've already told me enough. You don't have to go on." He moved so that he was resting against the white linen padded headboard. He knew this was a bad thing. If Alice walked in, there would be such a massive fight between them. Oh G-d it would be such a bad thing.

She looked at him and felt her heart bounding in her chest. She curled onto her side and into his chest, His arm wrapped around her instinctively. He stroked her arm softly as she spoke into his chest, "I don't want you to look at me differently. I don't want you to blame me." She looked up slightly and caught a glimpse of his emerald color eyes.

"Don't be ridiculous. Whatever happened to you wasn't your fault. It was his. He did this to you." He stroked her hair with his fingertips, bringing his volume down, "You don't have to tell me."

"I owe you the truth." She quickly responded.

"You owe me nothing."

"I owe you everything."

There was a long silence. Neither wanted to correct the other and Vaughn didn't exactly know how to clarify that he was only doing his job. Well, that is how he continually rationalized it to himself. He was never suppose to bring Sydney into his house or make continual contact with her-especially when it could cost her life. He didn't know how to react anymore. This was out of the handbook and he was in new territory. "Syd…"

"I need to tell you what that man did to me. You've probably already guessed." She fought against the emotions in her voice. She swallowed down hard and blinked, biting down on her lip, rediscovering the gash she had given herself earlier in the day.

Vaughn matched her tone, "I don't want to be right."


	10. Anxiety

**Much love to: aliaslover, Julia Goulia, Jesse, Claire, Gear's Girl, Meighan, Natalie, pigeonofdoom, ****Acetoorion****serendipity112233****, and ****freitazal**** for your wonderful reviews. This chapter is going to be the last of the loose ends chapters…you'll see it all start to come together next chapter…**

_her feelings she hides_

_her dreams she can't find_

_she's losing her mind_

_falling behind _

_can't find her place_

_losing her faith _

_falling from grace_

_she's all over the place_

He just held her for a long while. He couldn't believe it. He honestly couldn't believe it. She had stopped talking awhile ago and dissolved into tears. They were slow and unbearable tears. Her face buried deeper into his chest and she just dissolved into unrestrained sobs. "I just don't want you to look at me differently. Please. Please." She tried to think…think of anything that would make this pain go away. She tried to push her mind away from what had happened to her in Ireland. She felt like a swimmer, standing on the starting block before the race, wanting to push off and escape into the chlorine filled waters. Ireland was her starting block and she needed to push away as fast as possible. She felt the tears course down her face, tasting the salt seep into her mouth. A sense of near relief almost swept through her veins. At least she wasn't dehydrated anymore.

He stroked her hair softly, kissing the crown of her head. He could not believe what he had just heard. Things like that did not happen to the people that he knew….especially to a woman so close to his heart. A mixture of unadulterated rage and pain swept through him. He wanted to kill the bastard more than ever. He gritted down on his teeth, feeling like his jaw tighten and jute out slightly. "I would never. I could never." He pulled her even closer, tightening his grip against her body. He wanted to make all of this go away for her. He knew that this was the worst pain for her. There was no escaping it now. He could only imagine what a nightmare this was for her. "It's not your fault." He whispered. "You survived. That's all that matters. You survived all of it." A brief flash went through his mind at the concept of her not surviving. His eyes went wide with absolute fear. He couldn't even imagine that moment…how horrible it would be to have to write that debrief…to write the words on how his agent…his asset…died. He was sick at the thought. Oh G-d, he never wanted to think about that again. He just needed to hang on to her.

"I feel like I'm dying." It was as she was reading his thoughts. She cried harder, having a harder time catching her breath. Her fingers gripped at his shirt, clinging onto him as if she was holding on for dear life. Their legs slowly became entangled as she reached for some sort of sanity. It was, by far, as intimate as they had become. Her hand drifted over his heart and was almost soothed by the gentle beating beneath her fingertips. Between her gasps and sobs, it was the only real thing in her life.

His beating heart was breaking for her. This wasn't a good state for her to be in. It could only further hurt her health. He managed to get a free hand to reach around. Without much more thought, he adjusted the flow on her IV, controlling how much pain medication she was getting. Enough of it and she would calm down entirely. His fingers felt the blue clip and moved it up once. The slow dripping of the IV fluid increased ever so slightly. "You're not dying. I promise you; you are not dying." He wasn't entirely sure if he was repeating this for her or for himself. He tried to calm her down. It wasn't healthy for her to be acting this way.

"Please don't let me." She pleaded, in between her hysterics. He was scared now; he had never seen her like this. Granted, he had been scared from the moment that he picked up the phone and heard her crying. But now, he was really scared. Sydney Bristow didn't get like this. She was much stronger than any other woman. Any other person, for that matter. She wasn't the type of person to curl up into someone's arms and cry to the point of hyperventilation.

"I'll never. I'll never." He cooed softly into her hair, rocking her slightly and trying to shield her from the rest of the world. The world had done enough to her. He could try to protect her a little while long. It was a futile effort, maybe, but he could try. It was his job. She was his job.

Eventually, the tears stopped flowing down her face and her body drifted into a drug induced sleep. Her body relaxed against his body, and he felt her entire weight against him. He pressed his lips against her forehead once more before unwrapping his arms and untangling their legs to get out of bed. It was a new feeling that suddenly overtook him. He felt a void in his arms…he was very aware of her not being against his chest. Part of him wanted to curl right back into bed and wrap himself around her to simply to lay there. He wanted to sleep next to her, feeling her gentle breath against his skin. Trying to ignore his heart, he tucked the blanket up around her shoulders, keeping her warm and comfortable. With one last fleeting glance, he made his way out of the door. He was a mess, wanting to avoid the two other men until he got himself together. He needed to get himself together. He wanted to be calm again. He wanted his heart to stop racing. He wanted to avoid life for a few minutes. This was unsuccessful, of course, as Weiss looked up from Vaughn's blue and white couch. "What is it?"

Vaughn looked startled and his green eyes were very bloodshot. "Nothing" he barely responded, not wanting to make eye contact with his collogue. He just wanted all of this to be over. His heart was welled up in his throat, causing him to have difficulty swallowing. Psychosomatic, of course.

"That may work on other people, but not on me. Try again. What happened?" Weiss leaned forward, allowing his forearms to rest on his knees. He knew his best friend better than anyone else in the world. He saw the lies surge in his eyes, hidden behind the redness. Weiss had only seen Vaughn look like this, this terrible, this distressed since Alice had been rushed to the emergency room. It was the middle of day, Vaughn and he had been at a favorite pizza place, trying to separate themselves as much as possible from the workday. It had been a stressful day with their superiors harassing them about reports that were due. Their cell phones sat just beyond their plastic plates and their sodas (no drinking during the day). They were in the middle of a discussion about hockey (one of Vaughn's favorite topics and one of Weiss' least), when a consistent buzzing shook the liquid in both of their glasses. It was Vaughn's phone, neither of them had to look down to determine it. His phone had a distinctive vibrating setting…_buzz…buzz…buzzbuzzbuzzbuzzbuzzbuzz…buzz…buzz…_Vaughn rolled his green eyes and picked up phone…the annoyance was evident as he flipped it open, not bothering to look at the caller ID. All that he knew was that he had been bothered during his precious forty-five minutes of freedom. "Vaughn."

Weiss couldn't hear what was going on the other side and didn't take much investment in it. He took the chance instead to exam the passer-bys of the not so busy street. Every once and a while a person would walk by…not exactly a lot to distract himself with. Weiss returned his gaze to his pizza, oily and greasy but great all at the same time.Well, not exactly 'great' but decent pizza nonetheless. Maybe he would start his diet tomorrow.

Vaughn placed his cell phone down on the table, after a relatively short conversation. His face was pale and his eyes were suddenly sunk deep into his head, "We-um…I hafta go. I'm…um…" He looked down at his half eaten pizza, reaching into his wallet.

"What is it, man?" Weiss asked the reasonable question.

"It's um, "he swallowed down hard as he tossed a few bills down onto the ugly yellow plastic table, "it's Alice. She was in a car accident and it's um…that was the hospital…and the doctor said it's um…it's bad. I…I-uh…I gotta go."

Presently, Vaughn rounded the couch and sat down, "She told me what happened." He shook his head disconcertingly.

"I thought you knew what happened."

"I didn't know all of it."

Weiss sighed heavily, "There was more?" He waited for a moment, taking silence as an affirmative answer, "Oh man. G-d, Sydney…" He let his voice trail off for a moment, grappling at what possibly could have happened to the other agent. "Do you want to tell me?"

Vaughn looked at him for a long moment, unsure of what to do next. His eyes flickered back to the closed door and shut tightly, "She's been through so much." It was actually a surreal situation. He couldn't believe how much she had been through and survived. Granted, she was not doing as well as she could be doing mentally but she was alive. Unfortunately, due to circumstances, he just had to look at the bigger picture. Right now she was weak and broken, but she was alive. She was breathing and coherent. She held the capacity to make her own decisions and tell her story. She was transforming from victim to survivor and Vaughn could not have been prouder. Other agents would have cracked under the mental anguish. He just kept praying, fumbling slightly with the metals he wore beneath his shirt. His mother was particularly religious and made him swear that he would wear them all the time. She promised him that Saint Michael and Saint George would keep him safe. He agreed, enjoying feeling the metal against his skin. Now, he sat with Weiss, aware of the metal pressed against his skin. He prayed silently to those patron saints and behind closed eyes, wished it all away.

Weiss studied his hands, "She's strong. She'll make it through this. You saw what a fight she put just to have us change those dressings. She's not going to let anything else—"

Will chose that moment to emerge from the guest room. Vaughn had offered him that to splash some water on his face and get himself together. The blue-eyed man shut the door pretty loudly behind him, causing Vaughn to mentally chastise him about disturbing Sydney. Will approached the couch and his arms crossed over his chest, "I don't know what the hell is going on but we can't just sit here and do nothing!" There was something in his eyes that Vaughn recognized immediately: pure and unadulterated anger. "She's in there…She's in there dying and you two are making small talk? What gives?"

"Whoa whoa, calm down, man. Being angry-" Weiss attempted to calm him down, turning and facing the outraged man. He knew that this angry could consume anyone. He had been consumed by it once and seen Vaughn consumed by it before. It was like a fire…and he knew the effects of it.

Will refused to listen. He could only feel how his heart was down out of his chest and the undying desire to punch a hole through the wall. He was normally an even-tempered man. This was a new experience for him. "_Angry _doesn't even begin to describe it!"

"But you need to remain rational until we sort everything out, okay?" Vaughn rose and faced Will, his hands at his side, palms up pleading.

"What sorting could you possibly need to do? She's in there. She's beaten and broken beyond anything. And you're sitting out her making small talk with the doctor!" Will was screaming now, there was no holding back in his voice.

"Will-"

"He thinks I'm a doctor?" Weiss muttered to no one in particular but very proud of the persona he was coming across with. _Dr. Eric Joseph Weiss._

"Why aren't you doing something? Why aren't you contacting the CIA or FBI or getting a mission together? Why isn't Jack flying in on some private jet or you on a man-hunt for the son of a bitch that hurt her? Why aren't you concerned about her?" His voice reached a volume that surprised even him. He had never felt such anger surging through him. He was livid and felt his entire body shacking in its wrath. His heart was breaking in his hands and there was no way he could fix this.

"Hey! I am concerned about her but I have to take things one-step at a time. These things take time." Vaughn replied his hands up defensively. "Why don't-"

"I want to kill someone-not talk!"

Will threw his hands up in the air and started to pace slightly. "I just don't understand. I honestly cannot understand this."

"It's-" Vaughn started again.

Will turned on his heels, "I know-it's not for me to understand. But in all honestly, I just can even comprehend this situation. I can imagine what she's gone through and I honestly can understand why you two are sitting on your asses not doing a damn thing about it. I think you are scared of getting up and doing something."

Vaughn stopped being able to hold his temper, "Will, for the love of G-d, I need you to shut up! We're all hurting here. There's nothing we can really do about it right now. I want to do whatever I can to make sure that nothing more happens to her. It is-it is literally my job to make sure that she stays safe! Now, please! Let me do my job." Vaughn shouted, feeling his forehead wrinkle and the veins extend in his neck. His pulse was pounding loudly and his hands were forced down deep into his pockets. "I understand! I know what you're going through!"

Will stood in the same spot he had been, looking at Vaughn with a mix of rage, compassion, and pain. He didn't know what to do or how to react. This was absolutely knew territory for him, "The only difference is that I love her."

"No, Will, you're wrong. I love Sydney, too." Vaughn announced. It almost felt purifying announcing it to the room. He felt freer. He felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

He was so oblivious, in fact, that he did not hear the front door open or see the woman standing there. She heard the little exchange, starting with Vaughn yelling at the other man, who she didn't recognize. The only thing she could really pay attention to was that her boyfriend had just declared his love for someone. And it wasn't her. "Who the hell is Sydney?"

**Now, I know I didn't reveal what happened to Sydney. It's already written out in the coming chapters…I'm curious to see what you all think happened…and I'm willing to bet most of you are right! Thank you once again.**


	11. Explaination

"I'm not a horrible person, Michael. You know that. But, when I was 19, I was involved with 27 year old man, Jake Santos. And um…we were pretty intense. We were together right after my birthday. We met at UC Berkley. He was recruiting for his real estate firm. He was wonderful…He was my first everything…I was naïve, what can I say? I had never been in love before…never had been intimate with a guy before…never had a boyfriend before…and then, about six months into all of it, I got pregnant. Now, a 19 year old girl cannot have a baby if she comes from my family and is going to school full time. My parents would have disowned me. So, I had the baby on my own. Jake and I were still together but lived in different places. He had his apartment and I still lived in the dorms. I couldn't move in with him…my parents paid good money for the dorms and I was terrified to lie to them and that I would get caught. I didn't go home anymore. I was lying all of the time and hated every moment of it. She was born premature, my little girl. My little Olivia Patrice. She was okay…five pounds four ounces….a little tiny and they only kept her in the NICU for a few days.

"I couldn't bring her home to the dorm….I managed to persuade my parents into helping me finance an apartment. Jake still lived in his apartment…I mean, it probably would have made sense for us to live together or for me to be at least in the same development, right? I couldn't lie to my parents and live with him and his place was far from campus…I mean, it was pretty far. So Jake and I…we only saw each other every once and a while. We took turns taking care of her for those six months. Every four days, we would switch. It started to wear on us. I couldn't do it anymore. I mean, it wasn't rational. There are so many things we should have done but didn't think of because I was barely 20 and he was almost 28! So, I made the decision the day after Olivia turned six months old. I transferred to UCLA. I couldn't do it anymore and maybe it was weak of me, but I made that decision. He was much more mature than I was. He had more of a life established. He had already been engaged once and she left him at the alter.

"He had a life established. I was a 20 year old kid who had no idea what she was doing in her life. I didn't know what else to do…all I knew was that we were screwing up Liv's life. I left her to be raised by her father. I had to leave her. I mean, I don't know if it's a good thing for me …be a woman that basically abandoned her daughter. I have given up my rights to raise Olivia. Things ended between me and Jake almost immediately after. We were already falling apart. We couldn't hold it together. We were young and naïve and stupid. I just finished my sophomore year of college. But, no matter. We were falling apart. We weren't living together and I couldn't take the lying anymore.

"So, I completely understand if you hate me, Michael. I didn't tell you about my past. I didn't tell you about Jake or Olivia. And the only reason that I'm telling you now is that he called me…Jake called me and asked for me to meet him at the park. And I saw my daughter, Michael. I saw my baby girl for the first time in a long while. I asked not to be in her life anymore. I didn't want to hurt her anymore, even though it hurt me. I figured Jake would move on…maybe marry a beautiful and intelligent girl and Olivia would get the family that she so deserves. But I'm telling you this because I went to the park and I saw Jake and we talked…and we kissed. I'm so sorry, Michael. I thought things were okay. I thought I was okay. It was almost four years ago. We don't talk that often and I rarely hear from him. But, I saw him in the park today and we kissed. I need you to know that I felt nothing. I felt nothing. I haven't loved him for years now and I most certainly do not love him now. Please, Michael. I'm so in love with you. Please, don't leave me for my past. It's my past. It's over. I'm so sorry I kept this from you. It's bad enough that I hurt Jake and Liv…I didn't want to hurt you too."

Alice practiced her speech over and over in her head. She left the park, near tears as she separated from Jake. She had apologized profusely, "I'm only going to hurt you and Olivia. You're doing such a wonderful job with her. She's better off without me. I'm doing this because I love her."

Jake kept a grasp on her forearm. His eyes were wide and full of pain. "You're hurting her more than helping her, Alice. She needs a mother."

She couldn't look at him anymore. Her heart was breaking but in her gut, she knew that she was doing the right thing. She had to be doing the right thing. "What happened to your girlfriend, Sandra? Is she still in the picture?" Alice watched her daughter giggle and laugh as she slid down the brightly colored plastic slide.

"Sandra and I are still together. She loves Olivia. She wants to get married." Jake confessed. He shrugged his shoulders and examined his feet. "But I'm willing to leave her if you say you want to get back together. This is an opportunity to become a family. If you say no, I'm going to ask Sandra to marry me." His eyes met hers again and the passion that had once ignited in those spheres had disintegrated and died. There was no life behind his eyes anymore. It had gone away in a heartbeat. She had caused that and it weighed terribly on her soul.

She had said no. She didn't want to destroy the life she had established with Michael. Everything was pretty much perfect. She had a successful career, a handsome boyfriend, a beautiful house. Her life was set. She was happy. It was only when her past started to catch up with her that things threatened to come undone. Olivia deserved something more than she could give her. It was for the best. Alice kissed Jake on the cheek softly, apologizing again and then walked to her car. She didn't cry, even though she felt like she should have. She got into her car without looking back and drove away. She didn't think about the effects of her actions. This was the best thing she could have done. She slid her key into the ignition and her thoughts drifted to her Michael and how she would tell him.

She saw herself taking his hands and sitting with him on their beautiful couch in their beautiful house. She could see how she would tremble as she started to talk. Her lip would quiver slightly and he would place his hand on her check, letting her leaning into his palm. He would ask he what was wrong, saying that she was scaring him and she would go into her story. He would not look at her for a moment, starring at their clasped hands between them. And then, with the most amount of passion and love she had ever seen, he would look at her and tell her how much he loved her and nothing would ever stand in their way.

Of course, all of this went downhill the moment she opened the door to find three men standing in her living room, one of whom was her boyfriend declaring his love for a woman by the name of Sydney. She really didn't know what to think. There was a wave of panic and then a sense of relief, maybe? She was confused. Honestly and completely confused. "Who the hell is Sydney!" Alice snapped again, not seeing her boyfriend move or react the way she wanted him to. She managed to move towards Vaughn, slamming the door loudly behind her. Her bag dropped someone in transit and her keys fell on the floor with a loud clink. The petite blonde approached him, still not hazarding a glance at her.

It was quite like a movie. Will stood there, his arms limp at his side. His mouth seemed to stop working and all he could really think of was how he wanted to put his fist through the wall. He was allowed to love Sydney. They were friends. They had met through Francie and become very close, very fast. True, he had developed a bit of a crush on her, but he had already come to terms with it and completely accepted it. He knew that nothing could come of this crush. He could still love her. And he loved her every moment of everyday. She didn't belong to him by any standards and he was well aware that men may come and go into her life. But, he didn't want the one man whose soul responsibility it was to keep her safe, to be in love with. Love complicated things. Love made things more difficult. Sydney's handler wasn't suppose to love her or care about her. She was his job. And to make this even better? There was his girlfriend standing in the living room. This was enough to make any sane man insane.

Vaughn turned slowly, trying to figure out how to react. _No…no…damnit, no! _His heart was pounding so loudly in his chest. He had just said something he had bottled up for nearly two years and felt a massive amount of relief sweep over him. He had never felt so liberated before in his life. He had just announced something that made him feel so good…probably because it was true. He had waited almost two years. Two years! And the moment he decides to come to this particular realization, his girlfriend, the woman who had had declared his love for not three hours earlier, decided to waltz into the front door. He had no idea what to do. Oh, this was a bad situation. _Bad. Bad. Bad._ He bit down on his teeth, gritting down and trying to sound pleasant and loving. _Talk, moron! _"Baby, what are you doing back so early? What happened to your run?" He looked her up and down, realizing she was dressed more for a nice lunch…not a run in the park with the girls. His eyes widened slightly. Was she lying to him?

The relief and panic quickly swirled into rage. Her past with Jake and Olivia no longer matter. She didn't care about what happened in her life, only what was going to happen. She saw her picture perfect life disintegrating. "Who the hell is Sydney, Michael? And who are these people?" She acknowledged the two other men with a fiery glance. Her mouth was dry and sweat was pooling off every curve of her body. All she could do was blink rapidly, trying to make sense of all of this. She was waiting for the laughter to kick in.

Weiss stepped forward first, extending his hand out towards her. He was still composed and calm. He was the only real adult in the room at the moment. "I'm Eric, Alice. We've-"

"At Stacey and Todd's, yes of course." She turned towards Will, "I'm sorry to be rude but do I know you? Or are you one of these mysterious friends that Michael has in his double life-where he is apparently in love with Sydney?" Alice was an independent woman, who had a mind of her own. She had no qualms about speaking her mind at any given point in time. Some may consider her a little on the blunt side. She took it in stride. This was one of those times.

"Will Tippin." He stepped forward, still fuming over the lack of involvement by Weiss and Vaughn. He extended his hand towards her, barely making eye contact.

"Pleasure." She responded and turned her head towards Vaughn, "May I talk to you for a moment, Michael?" The venom started to ooze from her pores. She made her way towards her safe haven; their bedroom.

Vaughn finally was able to look at her, "Okay."

"Wait. Wait. We're not done here yet." Will spoke suddenly, "I'm sorry but we're not."

"Well, "Alice replied turning on her heels, "I can guarantee you we will be brief, Will."


	12. Empathy

AUTHORS NOTE: I apologize ten fold for the delay…life has been crazy…I promise the next three chapters will come relatively quickly…enjoy!

Alice Williams was furious and decidedly so. She really didn't know what to do with herself. Her hands remained clenched in her lap and her brilliant blue eyes narrowed down upon her beloved boyfriend. Actually the term "beloved boyfriend" wasn't fitting anymore. The "song of a bitch boyfriend who is love with someone else" seemed to do a little more justice. She couldn't remember the last time she was this angry. She had her hands on the bedroom doorknob but was quickly pulled away. "Let's talk in the sunroom." It was bewildering, to be honest. The bedroom seemed like the most logical place to have this sort of argument. She was outraged by his hand on the small of her back and the urgent whisper in her ear. She wanted to scream. His touch made her blood boil. Her jaw was dropped and set there. Her breath came quickly over her drying lips. Sweat started to drip down her brow and intermix into her blonde hair. Her hands were left useless at her sides.

Vaughn had ushered her into their sunroom, her favorite room in the house. They breezed past Will and Weiss as though they were celebrities avoiding the paparazzi. He turned and shut the door, locking in firmly. She didn't know what to make of any of these actions. Each puzzled her more than the next and each made her wanted to kill him. Very much like a child, she was physically sat down on her aqua colored fainting lounge that faced the window, the sun streaming in. She had nearly forgotten what a beautiful day it was out. It didn't matter anymore. She just wanted to curl up and make all of this go away. It all needed to just go away. She swallowed down hard and shook her hair out of her face with a defiant shake of her head. Honestly, she didn't know whether to hug him and cry into his shoulder or strangle him. Well, strangling him sounded like a much better notion now.

Vaughn was nearly beside himself. He shut the door firmly behind him and didn't know if he could face Alice. Part of him felt free and that part of him felt equally as guilty. To be honest, he didn't even know that he loved Sydney. It had never really been something he had debated with himself. It had just felt so natural to say at that moment. And now, he felt free. He realized that he really did love her and wanted to be with her. Unfortunately, it was not possible. It could cost them both of their lives. Love is love but he was not willing to risk her life over it. Besides, he sighed to himself, he had no idea if she felt the same way. He didn't know what he was doing anymore. This was just a horrible, horrible situation. Now that he had ushered Alice away from Will and Weiss, he had to figure out what he was going to say to her, "Alice…" He started, turning on his heels to face her. Yes, saying her name was a good start in what would be a bad conversation. He could see the anger and resentment on her face. G-d only knew what she was thinking. He barely knew what to think and it had gotten her into the situation. He needed a way to get out of this, quickly.

"You have a lot explaining to do, Michael." She managed to snap.

Vaughn gazed out the window for a moment before he started. Truthfully, he was buying time to get his thoughts together. He knew he was going to have to lie but he just didn't know how deep he was in. Slowly, he made his way towards the fainting lounge and took her hands in his. "Alice…I uh…I know you want an explanation."

"No shit, Michael."

Vaughn took in a slow inhale. His brain was working in overtime and he had to think of something…something that tied Will to him and Sydney to him…and why Sydney was in bed with an IV…and why he said that he loved her…there needed to be links between all of it. "When I was at Georgetown," Vaughn started slowly, "I was with this girl named Sydney." Never mind Nora, the love of his life he dated all of senior year. Right now, he needed convenience. "Now, we were together for a little over a year…we broke up and stopped speaking to each other and moved on… Weiss and I were talking the other day and it turns out that his friend, Will, is Sydney's older brother. I don't know how we got talking about Syd, but…I met with Weiss and Will for a drink the other day. And um…" he swallowed down hard, feeling the emotions from the day surge up into his throat and burn like battery acid, "I found out that Syd's not doing well." His brain started to rack. The lie was getting intense. He needed a common but potentially debilitating disease. "She's in the end stages of cancer and has been undergoing treatment here in LA." Why is she here? "She just had one of her treatments today and needed a place to stay. Will's roommate, Francie, needed the apartment for something." What; it didn't matter. "So, I told Will that Sydney could stay here until she was strong enough to be moved back to the apartment. You walked in during an argument that Will and I were having…he disagreed with me that we should move her so soon…he accused me of not looking out for her best interest…and I was reminding Will that I still love her…even though I'm not _in _love with her." He lied and spoke slowly, choosing his words so carefully. This was a carefully orchestrated lie that had to be set so perfectly or else it would fall to pieces in his hands. He looked her in the eyes, praying that she believed him. "I'm in love with you, Alice."

Alice sat there in shock. Clearly, this was not the answer she had been expecting, "You never mentioned her before." Her tone was still sharp and she knew the anger could not disappear that quickly. However, tears started to form behind her eyes. She knew her hazel spheres gave her away.

He leaned forward and touched her cheek. "I know. I know and I'm sorry, baby. Really, I am."

Alice looked out the window again, not pulling away from his touch, "And where is she now?"

He flattened out the palm of his hand against her cheek and caressed it gently. Part of him began to wonder if he was acting. Maybe this was a giant act so he wouldn't have to deal with the "could be" of Sydney. If he was with Alice, there could be no alternative. There could be no Sydney-girlfriend factor. "In the bedroom. She's getting an IV treatment. She's sedated."

Alice sat for a moment, internalizing it. He had always looked out for other people's interest over his own. "Your ex-girlfriend is sleeping in our bed?" She wrinkled her brow slightly and tried so hard to stay angry. She didn't want to cave so quickly. This was an act, she knew it. She had to stay angry for a little while longer. She needed to make him suffer just a little longer.

"Don't think of her like that." He grabbed her hands and held them close to his chest. "She's a good person, Alice and she's in trouble. Ex-girlfriend, friend, stranger or otherwise, I would want to help her."

You're not in love with her anymore?" She turned her eyes back to him.

"I'm so in love with you. I don't want to be with anyone else. You complete me, Alice. I can't even imagine being with anyone else. I'm crazy about you, you know that." He smiled and partially lied. He could imagine being with someone else. He just never wanted to admit it. Ignorance is bliss. It was entirely possible for him to love Sydney but be in love with Alice. He wanted to be Alice but wondered what it would be like to be with Sydney. He considered her his 'what if' or 'could be.' It was almost better that way. There always needed to be a possibility outside what was there. And as he watched his girlfriend smile and he kissed her passionately, he realized that maybe his world was set right.

She parted from his kiss, pressing her forehead against his, "I want to meet her."

_Oh sweet Mother of G-d. _Vaughn cleared his throat uncomfortably, "Sure, baby. Whatever you want."

88888

Sydney was slowly coming out of her drug induced haze. She had heard the door open and someone walk over to her bedside… She really couldn't be certain. It didn't really matter. Things were still swirling around and noise was nothing more than a dissent drumming that kept humming around her brain. She blinked a few times before hearing a nearer noise. It was almost nice to be numb for a little bit. Everything seemed so far away and unimportant. She almost smiled. Her body was curled up tightly in his sheets. She could almost still feel the warmth of his body against her body…It was only a wish…a heartfelt wish in a drug induced coma.

She rolled over, feeling slightly freer. Her eyes starred up at the ceiling, examining how incredibly white it was. She closed her eyes for a moment, starting to come to terms with her torture. It was an entirely possible that she was being a drama queen. Maybe she had blown this entire situation out of proportion. It probably wasn't that bad. It happened to a lot of women…it was always on the news. It was her job. It wasn't her. It was just the situation. Well, that and she was just tired. Yes, she was just tired. She tried to turn over but decided quickly against it. It was an amazing feeling…she was hyper-aware of everything and nothing all at the same time. She could hear voices outside of the bedroom door. They had been going on for a little while now. But she had just come to understand and truly hear them. She was able to comprehend one increasingly important thing. There was definitely a female voice entered in the mix. Vaughn's girlfriend must be home.

She sighed heavily, feeling her chest deflate and sink low into the mattress. She started to wish there was a world in which there was no SD-6, CIA, no forbidden love, no Vaughn's girlfriend. In a perfect world, she would have met Vaughn at a coffee shop. They would have bumped into each other as she was leaving with her non-fat caramel latte. It would have spilt all over his tailored navy blue suit. She would have exclaimed apologizes and insist on helping him clean the steamed milk off of his pressed lapels. He would have calmed her, laughing that it was fine and it would give him an excuse to be late for a meeting and even bigger excuse for him to leave for a longer lunch. That's when they would exchange names, smiling ear to ear. She would be blushing, still embarrassed that her latte ended up all over this handsome green eyed stranger. A nervous giggle would escape her lips as he would offer to buy her another latte…

She groaned presently and felt a nervous feeling in her muscles. It was that creepy crawly feeling that could only go away with intense movement. She wanted to get out of bed and run…a nice long run with her feet pounding against the pavement. She wanted to feel her ponytail flapping against her neck. She wanted to run to the corner of the park near her house and people watch before making a hardcore sprint back home. It's all she wanted. The thought of not being able to do what she wanted made her tear up and wanted to curl up and…well, die. Still feeling numb, she felt tears start to streak down her face. It only made things worse when she cried.

88888

Will managed to regain his composure after what felt like hours. He was no longer livid at Vaughn for the situation that he was in. Currently, he found himself standing in the doorway of Vaughn's bedroom, watching her. Her breathing was deep and even. She was barely moving beneath the heavy comforter. The only movement he saw were the tears gently cascading down her cheeks. Even with the tears, he couldn't recall a time where he had ever seen something or someone so beautiful. His heart felt like it was swelling in his chest and deep inside, he knew he was falling in love with the one woman he could never even dream of having.

Slowly, he walked towards her bed, sitting down beside her. He didn't want to disturb her semi-conscious state but at the same time, he just wanted to hear her voice for a moment. It was purely a selfish motive. He just needed to hear from her mouth that she was okay. The and only then would he be satisfied with Vaughn's response that she was doing alright. He wanted to truth the man, Sydney trusted him with her life nearly everyday. Will needed some sort of reassurance. Anything…any sort of sigh…movement…anything. He watched her, memorizing every curve of her face. Time seemed to stop as his blue eyes drifted over her.

Her brown eyes flittered up towards the baby blue ones gazing down at her. The colored faded and she felt like her head was in a fishbowl. "V-Vaughn…"

Will honestly felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. His best friend didn't recognize him at the moment. He didn't want it to but it stung. "Sydney, it's Will." He stroked her hair softly. He saw the tears streaking down her face.

"Vaughn…" She replied, not listening or not hearing him. "I want you to promise me something…" Her voice was slow and raspy. She was still under heavy influence of the drugs.

Will sighed and looked at the door, unsure of what to do. He just needed to make her happy… "Whatever you want, Syd. Name it." It nearly broke his heart in two playing into her obvious delusion. He didn't even have the chance to ask her about the tears falling down on her face. He couldn't ask her why she was crying and to wipe away the tears with the touch of his fingertips.

She cleared her throat softly and rolled her head closer towards Will, "Vaughn, I want you to promise me…if anything happens to me…"

"Oh shh shh…don't talk like that. You're going to be fine. _That_ I can promise you. You're going to be okay." Will jumped on her, feeling his heart pound up into his chest. He couldn't remember the last time his heart was pounding this hard. He couldn't imagine his life without her. He had thought about this so much these past couple of hours but it was true. He honestly thought he was going to lose himself if he ever lost her.

"Vaughn…" she sighed irritably. She closed her eyes for a moment and opened them, her eyes equally as hazy as before. "Vaughn, if anything happens to me…I want you…I want you…to take care of Will. I don't want Will to end up in this life like we have. Please…promise me." Her eyes fluttered open and close as her breathing continued to even out.

Will stroked her hair softly, "I promise." His heart felt heavy. He knew he had just lied to the one person closest to him. A part of him wanted to run, stand up and scream at the top of his lungs. He want to scoop her up into his arms and take her away to the most beautiful beach house in the world. He wanted to clean every cut and make it disappear…he wanted to vanish every scar. But there was really nothing he could think of that he could tangibly do. He couldn't just take her away from all of this. He could only hold her hand and make sure she didn't let go.

Sydney almost smiled, "Thank you. So much."

"Why don't you try and get some sleep? Yeah, why don't you finish sleeping of that painkiller…hmm…I'll be right outside if you need me. Okay? Yeah…that's my girl…that's my girl…" He whispered as she sank deep into the coma that had engulfed her before. He nearly started to cry as she drifted away from the conscious world. He continued to stroke her hair until he felt his mind drift.


	13. Only

Vaughn took Alice's hand and began to make his way out of the sunroom. He felt his heart was up in his throat and he wasn't entirely sure if he was breathing. His palms were as sweaty as an adolescent boy on his date. They made their way into the living room, where Weiss was still sitting on the couch, head in his hands. Vaughn was careful not to make eye contact with Weiss. He could barely live with himself as is: he didn't know if he could stand Weiss's conscious glare. His face could express anything that Vaughn was thinking…without the social consequences of course. And right now, Weiss had this look of shock and irritation on his face, masked only a little by his half-hearted attempt to be polite.

"Is she really that sick?" Alice pulled herself closer to him, feeling a territorial need to have his arms around her. As soon as she spoke, she knew it was a stupid question. Of course she had to be that sick…she was desperate enough to accept help from an ex-boyfriend.

Vaughn obliged and put his arm around her neck and planted a chaste kiss against her temple, "Yeah baby…she's really sick." His heart of hearts wished she would just remain silent until they reached the bedroom. He gritted his teeth down and felt frustrating bubbling in his chest. He had nothing to be really frustrated about after all. Alice was asking a valid question and had a valid request. She wanted to see who was sleeping in her bed and wanted to know how sick she was. Any sane person would have asked them. Maybe Vaughn had just hoped she wouldn't see the obvious.

"Will's in there, man. Just a head's up." Weiss piped up suddenly, before reaching over to grab a magazine. He was in an odd situation. He had always gotten along with Alice and considered her an acquaintance. They could sit and have a nice conversation over a drink and Weiss honestly didn't want to see Alice hurt or have the end of their cozy relationship.

Vaughn nodded, "Alice wants to meet Sydney." He replied and felt so insanely stupid doing so. It just seemed so…asinine. Things weren't making sense anymore and they probably never would. It would have made life so much easier if she hadn't of come home…if Alice hadn't come home. She was making a complicated situation even more difficult than it needed to be. No, no he couldn't be thinking this. This was his girlfriend. This was the girl that he loved. This was the girl whom he promised he would marry one day.

"Why don't you make sure that Sydney is up and feeling up to visitors? She wasn't doing so well a few minutes ago. Would probably be a good idea." Weiss suggested before turning back to his magazine of choice, trying to be as nonchalant as humanly possible. It really wasn't too much of an option. He knew Vaughn wouldn't be thinking properly…not that Weiss could entirely blame him. If he were in this situation right now, he would be on his way to LAX to get on the next flight to Malaysia. Run far. Run fast. Run now.

Vaughn held his breath for a moment as he looked towards his bedroom door. He was sure his heart had stopped. This was going to be one of those defining moments in his life. The woman who he treasured…the woman he loved…the woman he shared his bed with…was about to meet the woman he would give his life for. "Good idea, Weiss." He turned back to Alice, "Sweetie, let me just make sure she's okay before you go in there." He stroked her hair lovingly before pressing a chaste kiss to her lips. He let his fingertips remain on her body a second more before pulling away, feeling a new pain rip through his chest.

Alice silently agreed, sharing a sad smile with Vaughn before turning towards the couch. She sat down a little ways from Weiss, feeling thoroughly sick to her stomach. She didn't know what to feel or what to think. Not that it mattered at this point anyway. Everything that was going on was totally and completely out of her control.

Vaughn made his way back over to the door, twisting the knob slowly and easing into the semi-darkness of the room. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the hazy light, shutting the door firmly behind him. He could distinctly make out two figures. One was standing near the edge of the bed, stroking the other's hair in bed. He snapped to attention upon hearing the door squeak.

"Hey." Will replied, getting to his feet. He ran his hands over his face and through his hair. The few tears that had fallen had already dried and the blotchiness that once covered his face was once again gone. He just looked undoubtedly upset.

"How's she doing? Any better?"

Will turned his back to him, hands on his hips. "She's been restless." Beat "There's nothing we can do for her anymore, is there? We just have to wait this out."

Vaughn crossed over to the other side of the bed and disconnected her from the IV. "We just have to wait this out. Let's try to get her off this and maybe a little bit more coherent. The meds should be working by now."

"Hopefully." Will interjected as he watched Vaughn carefully unscrew the IV cap and remove the needle from Sydney's arm.

"She'll feel better with this out of her." He placed the things down on the nightstand….Alice's nightstand and sighed heavily. "Things are going to start to get better. I can give you my word on that one." Vaughn straightened the bedspread out of nerves. There was a slight strand of obsessive compulsive running through his veins.

Suddenly, a dark thought coated over Will. He felt cynical and unappreciative, "Why are you doing this?" Everything set in. All of the pressure and the anxiety of her not doing well sank in. Right now he wanted to punch someone and Vaughn seemed to be his target. He was going to throw him up against the wall and punch him, hard.

Vaughn looked up from what he was doing, gently caressing Sydney's milky white skin in between his fingertips. "Because she's my responsibility." He didn't notice the irritation in Will's voice or the fiery nature that seemed to have consumed him.

"No. Why are you doing this to her? Saying that you love her? Bringing her here? Having your pretty little girlfriend prance around here? Why do you say that you love her when you're obviously torturing her? Is this part of your sick game? You like playing with people, don't you? You enjoy manipulating their feelings, stringing them along-"His voice started to get louder and louder as he became more and more frustrated. The frustration boiled over into his blood, causing heat to rise up into his mouth and face.

Vaughn stared at him with a bewildered look, "Will, stop it."

His frustration knew no limitations, "It's true. You're a player; you string girls along like they're your own toys."

"Will, I know you're upset about Sydney but being frustrated with me isn't going to help that." Vaughn's hands went up, palms facing Will in absolute defense. He knew what he was going through and could pretty much guarantee he was feeling the same things. He felt so guilty for allowing Sydney to go on this mission and felt guiltier because she was here and in his bed because of him.

"It's your fault she's in this mess." Will finally lost it and was yelling at full volume.

Vaughn resisted the urge of jumping over the bed and strangling him at that point, "Will, you need to listen to me-"

"I don't need to do anything. You've botched this up from minute one!"

"Will!"

"I want her out of here back home-where she belongs. I want her reassigned."

"You don't get to make those decisions for her! It's her life."

"This job isn't worth her life."

"And that's not your decision to make." Vaughn was breathing just as heavily now and could hear Jack's voice reciting those words. It was true. It wasn't anyone's decisions to make. Sydney was willing to give everything for her job. She already lost everything once. It would make no difference if she lost it again. She had lost her fiancé, a man that she loved, and her entire life to a job that was suppose to give her meaning in her life.

Sydney had been listening to every word spoken between the two of them. It was really hard not to, considering how loud the two men had been yelling. Even through the haze, she could hear the two men who she loved most in life screaming at the top of their lungs, desperately trying to prove the other one wrong. Both were right to a certain extent and both were wrong to a certain extent. Granted, she couldn't decide which one was right or wrong but it didn't matter. She really didn't care at this moment. "Will the two of you please shut the hell up?" She managed to hiss out, feeling venom seep out into her words. She was hurting, more so now than ever. Her pride had been bruised beyond belief and she couldn't believe the situation she was in.

Both men stopped dead in their tracks and were at her side in an instant. Will had her hand clasped tightly to his chest and Vaughn stroked her hair lovingly, "Syd" "Sydney…" They both gasped and stroked her lovingly.

"How are you doing?" Will asked, as his eyes wide with fear at her answer.

Sydney started to cough a little before answering, "The two of you…two of you are driving me crazy." Her response was still weak and soft but the meaning of her words were still there. "Stop talking about me like I'm not here. I'm here and I'm fine."

"You're not fine, Syd." Vaughn countered, feeling his fingertips lace in her bed worn hair.

"I'm fine, Vaughn." She rolled her eyes around to face him. Another coughing fit disrupted her speech and seemed to shake every inch of her body. She was still quite sick and her eyes still revealed how much pain she was in. "I'll get over it."

"Syd…" Vaughn replied again, feeling his heart shatter at the conviction of her words. She wanted to be so strong but was so sick.

Sydney fought to sit up a little more, wanting to feel some steady ground beneath her. She failed, of course and remained flat on her back, forced to concentrate of the two men on either side of her. There was nothing she could do anymore except give into her weak body. "Listen to me…what I've been through…I'll get over it…this happens…it's being a woman in this business…"

"What are you talking about?" Will interjected but Vaughn instantly understood what she meant. His blood ran cold and he felt like he was going to vomit. He started to shake in the core of his stomach. He knew what she meant by that statement. "What is she talking about, Vaughn?"

Sydney riled in her bed, tossing her head back and forth, searching for comfort. She licked her lips softly, "I need to talk to Vaughn for a second, sweetie?"

Will didn't understand and didn't want to leave. But he respected Sydney enough to obey her wishes. He got to his feet slowly and nodded, "Of course. I'll be right outside." He backed away slowly, feeling the weight of the world down upon his shoulders. He didn't know what to do-how to breathe-what to think. He just felt so confused and so hurt by all of it.

Vaughn watched Will leave and turned back to Sydney, "You need to explain that last statement, Sydney." He wanted a strong drink and a long cigarette. He wanted to punch a hole through the wall. He wanted to kill someone. He wanted to protect Sydney. He wanted to make this all go away.

She looked at him with dulling eyes, "What do you want me to say, Vaughn?" The clarity was uncanny now. The drugs were leaving her system as fast as they entered it.

"What do you mean by it's being a woman in the business? I want you to explain it . You left something out of statements to me. Sydney, what happened in Ireland?" Vaughn pressed her hard, knowing that she wasn't doing well but needed to do it anyway. He needed to know. He didn't care Alice was waiting outside to meet with her. He didn't care that the rest of the world was turning beyond his bedroom door. He didn't care. "What did that man to do to you? What happened in Ireland?"

"He raped me."


	14. Fear

Song is italics is "I dreamed a dream" from Les Miserables

All he could do was whisper, "Syd…" He stood there immobilized; his arms forgot how to embrace and lungs forgot how to breathe. It was as if he had just been punched in the stomach and all he wanted to do was take in a deep breath but couldn't…

"Vaughn…Vaughn, please don't say anything." Sydney pleaded, struggling to find herself beneath the crashing waves of emotions that had suddenly compounded upon her. She hadn't expected this feeling when she said it. It was this new feeling of helplessness and a new feeling of being absolutely exposed in front of the man that she loved. She wanted to hide beneath the sheets and never return to the land of the living.

It took them both a moment to comprehend what was going on. But after that initial shock, Vaughn allowed her to collapse into his arms. He just held her tightly to his body, wishing all of this would go away. Her head melted into his chest and she felt empty tears pouring down her face. They stayed like that for a long while, both entirely unsure as to what the next step was. He felt weak suddenly and didn't know how to fix this situation. She just felt broken….highly medicated and broken.

"I'm so sorry." She finally murmured into his chest, finally feeling some sobriety return to her veins. She didn't dare pick her head up for she couldn't stand the look of disappointment that was bound to be in his eyes. It was sure to be that look of fear…of disappointment…of betrayal.

He adjusted her slightly in his arms, shocked at such an apology, "Syd, what are you doing? This wasn't your fault…"

"It's my job…" She started and the tears started coursing down her face again. She couldn't help it. She wanted all of it to stop and she just couldn't make the emotions go away. All of the little tops were coming off of the boxes. She couldn't compartmentalize anymore. It was just too much. Saying it aloud…it made it real. It made all of the past events come to life.

He wiped two tears away with his rough fingertips, "Syd…" She just sobbed in his arms. There was no stopping the emotion now. This was the floodgate she had barely cracked open when she first called him at the warehouse. Now, it was time for her to empty the contents of the world from her body. "It's all going to be okay. I'm right here. I'm not going to let anything happen to you anymore. You're safe. Okay? I've got you. I've got you." He cooed as they rocked gently back and forth.

"You can't let go of me… " She whimpered, tugging on his t-shirt more.

_There was a time when men were kind  
When their voices were soft  
And their words inviting  
There was a time when love was blind  
And the world was a song  
And the song was exciting  
There was a time  
Then it all went wrong_

"Sydney, I can promise you…you'll never be without me." Vaughn replied, kissing a chaste kiss into her temple. He felt her body breaking down in his arms and he didn't know what to do to make it stop. Part of him couldn't believe that she would let him touch her…after an act so violent and so terrible…it was amazing to him that she could still trust a man.

_But the tigers come at night  
With their voices soft as thunder  
As they tear your hope apart  
And they turn your dream to shame_

She continued to cry and cry and cry. The tears would not cease running down her face and she didn't know how to stop her shaking core. She had to get this out. She needed to feel pure again. It was this disgusting feeling of dirtiness, like she had done something terribly wrong. She felt distrust in her own skin and she didn't know if she could feel her own emotions. There was a certain rawness to her body. She was fine. Over and over, she had reassured herself that she was going to be fine. The pain was purely physical. Now, the pain was raw and real and very, very emotional.

He wanted to ask something so badly. It was a nagging, pulling feeling that had to be released from his chest, "Syd…did he use…did you take…do you need?" His words jumbled and his brain slurred. It was not the way he should have asked those questions. They were sensitive enough.

"He did…and I keep 'the pill' in my kit…no need to worry about anything else…I'm okay…" She whispered softly into the soft, now extremely wet material of his shirt.

_I had a dream my life would be  
So different from this hell I'm living  
So different now from what it seemed  
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed_.

"Will you stay with me?" She managed to continue. Her voice was fading quickly and her breathing had slowed considerably. "Stay with me until I fall asleep. I feel safe here…I like it here…"

Vaughn's heart felt compelled and his brain had ceased working, "I promise I'll never leave you, Syd…I'll be right here when you wake…." He shifted his weight slightly and felt her meld into him, perfectly safe in the crook of his arm. It didn't scare him what she had gone through. It didn't scare him that she was so fragile right now. It didn't scare him having her asleep in his arms. It didn't scare him that Alice was waiting for him right outside the door.

It scared him because he realized how much he was in love with Sydney and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life making her happy…


End file.
